Confessions of a food addict

This time last week I was sitting at a Cheesecake Factory in Georgia with a bunch of my worship peeps.  We were attending the annual Catalyst conference as we do every year.  We take 10 to 12 worship team leaders in a big van (along with 90 or so other leaders from our church body in various and sundry vehicles) and spend two days "drinking from a fire hydrant" of speakers from the Christian and secular business world.  The Cheesecake Factory is not officially part of the conference, but it is tradition for our team.  We go there when we get into town to unwind after a day on the road and there is plenty of laughter, shenanigans and cheesecake to go around.  We feel it prepares us physically for what we will receive spiritually the next two days.  Okay, okay not really but that sounded good didn't it? In other news...Thank you Jesus for 'steak Diane'.  I've never met Diane, but I surely do love her steak. mmmmm

Since I cannot have cheesecake right now on my healthy food plan, I savored each bite of steak- then the voices in my head - that I am in the process of re-training to talk myself out of unhealthy foods instead of justifying them -began having a conversation of epic proportion.

  While my friends saw me laughing and enjoying my steak Diane (have I said yet that I love her? I mean ...if I weren't done having babies I would surely name a child after her --even if it was a boy),  

THIS is what was going on inside my head.....

"Okay self, repeat after me.....'I have no room for cheesecake, I have no room for cheesecake, protein is better than sugar', did that boy just offer me cheesecake? - oh no he didn't'!!!!. Resist, resist! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!  HELP ME JESUS I'M NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE! There's no place like home there's no place like home!.....if I only had a brain...or a Lara Bar, oooohhhhhh pumpkin, godiva and snickers oh my!"

The good news is I had no cheesecake. I had not one bite of anyone else's even ...AND I GOT SEVERAL OFFERS - HELLO!  Whew! The bad news is that by the time we got back to the hotel, my poor ol' brain hurt from all that exercise!  When I got home two days later, I discovered I had actually lost weight this year at the conference and that has never happened in all the times I have ever gone.  Then I remembered how much I exercised my brain and I realized that the only thing that actually shrunk was my hat size.  Ahhh well.  It's a small victory but the small ones add up to big ones and knowing Jesus pulled me through  was sweet.  Smaller jeans feel nice but feeling God's delight in my obedience is so much better.

So stick that in your cheesecake and smoke it.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to email Diane.

What Matters to God...and what doesn't

When I get to the end of my life, I do not think it will matter to God

...if I was a good person 
...if I did more good things than bad things in this life 
...if I gave a lot of money in the offering plate or to good causes
...if I posted religious "memes" on Facebook and warned my friends to share them or risk people (or even God for heaven's sake) thinking they don't really love God, are ashamed of Him or don't want Him to radically bless them with something "miraculous" in the next 24 hours
...if I said "Amen" to all the social media posts that were anti-whichever people group the right wing is mad at or offended by this week 
...if I spoke, dressed, watched, listened, read, lathered-rinsed-repeated what was modest and in good taste just so I could judge anyone who didn't


What I do believe will matter to God is this...

...if I believed in His Son Jesus and received Him as my savior, leader, forgiver and LORD
...if I had a personal relationship with Him that went beyond religious dos and don'ts but gave me a burning desire to do what pleased Him because He's worth it
...if His Word was the filter through which I saw every decision
...if I lived my beliefs rather than beat people over the head with them
...if what people saw and believed about my relationship with Christ made them want to get closer to Jesus - not run away from Him


As I read back over those two categories, I am stepping on my own toes and asking for forgiveness for the times when I live in the first category more than the second.  There is certainly a place for moral living, modesty, generous giving, agreeing with truth (except those memes...I really hate those!), but if that first category is the measuring stick by which I determine my Christianity then I will routinely hit road blocks when I am not doing enough, saying enough, or being enough. We simply cannot succeed at that kind of Christianity for the long run.

If, however I live in the second category, what the world will see is a real relationship.  One that falls down and gets back up.  One that owns it's mistakes, that seeks to love, encourage, build up others first. One that knows that the Christian life is not based on our performance but on God's grace.  My life will look different - sometimes even odd to others but not unwelcoming or unloving. 

Lord, would you keep my feet securely in the things that matter to you.  Take captive my thoughts, my actions, my desires that they may draw others to you. Forgive me when I get in the way.  You are God.  I am not.  Amen and Amen. 

The substance of things hoped for

This past weekend, our pastor continued a series on grace.  His focus this particular weekend was on how faith is the key to grace.  I must confess the message hit me hard in several areas of my life and my walk right now as a Christ follower.  Life has been - for lack of a more friendly term - a booger the last few months and I feel as though I've been dragged along behind.  I have not been consistent in my time with God nor my eating, nor my finances, nor my parenting.....etc.  The enemy has enjoyed heaping guilt upon my head..."you only spent 10 minutes in the word today?  Really? What's wrong with you?" or "You are screwing up your kids so bad.  Why can't you be like 'that' parent?"  or "Did you really just eat that? Have you learned nothing?"  Often times it was his accusing voice I heard. Other times, sadly, it was my own.  I am usually pretty quick to show grace to others, but not always myself.  Then I get bogged down in the yuck.  I ask God to show me where He is in those times because my eyes are just full of....well...myself.

As I listened to Pastor's sermon Sunday morning, I felt God gently remind me of all the ways He had shown grace through the "crazy".  I found myself enveloped in gratefulness for:

1.  Health - while each member of the family experienced a little of the various viruses going around this winter and my hubby and I got the brunt of it, no one ended up in the hospital.  No one needed a specialist, no one died or was in danger of it.  I cannot say the same for others in my circle of friends/family.

2.  Finances - With two teenagers and one pre-teen, someone is always in need of money for one thing or another.  We get letters/emails/fb posts from the various schools asking for this, asking for that, then the cars need gas, need to be inspected, need to be fixed, need to be fixed again, we are all still eating EVERY DAY for heaven sake and don't get me started on kids outgrowing their clothes (so grateful for boys who love to wear shorts all year round!) or special clothes needed for this program that prom etc. etc.,...usually RIGHT AFTER we have paid the bills and there's nothing left.  It's enough to make me rip my hair out by it's home-dyed roots.....

BUT THEN...I remember that we have 3 beautiful children when many of our friends have had a life long struggle with infertility.  We have 2 functioning (mostly) vehicles when 2/3 of the world have no vehicle at all. We have never missed a meal or even had to wonder where the food would come from in the last few months.  That alone makes us richer than most of the planet. We have never had to worry about whether or not we will have to rebuild our lives after a natural disaster.

Love these ladies

3.  Spiritually - I just recently returned from a missions trip where I met some beautiful women who long to know more about Jesus and how to live for Him.  I got the privilege of teaching them what the bible says about our identity in Him and about the truth of who God says we are.  I got to learn from my fellow teammates as they taught the women how to get the most out of scripture and how to not get stuck in our stuff.  I got to witness women talk to each other and laugh when they only understood a few words in the others' language.  I got to witness the beauty of the body of Christ in all sizes, shapes and colors.

How often God speaks TO me even when He is speaking THROUGH me.  It's sort of the spiritual equivalent of giving one of your children a spanking while receiving one yourself.  Yowza.

So much more I could share, but the bottom line for me was this....Through all the "crazy" God has continued to be faithful to love, lead and encourage me.  He has shown great grace when I have failed and great encouragement to rise from the ashes and move forward.  He has, as David said in the Psalms, "forgiven the guilt of my sin."  He has reminded me that faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen (thanks Pastor Woody and Hebrews 11:1).  I don't have trouble having faith that God will keep His future promises.  Where I miss the mark so often is when I stop believing that EVEN NOW, God is working on my behalf to move me toward the fulfillment of those promises and even when I cannot see His hand, I need to still trust His heart for me.

When we exercise faith we experience grace

To end his message on Sunday, Pastor asked us to come forward and talk to God about the things we were having trouble having faith for. He had this huge key laying on the stage and asked us to just come up and lay a hand on it - not because there was anything magical or spiritual about the key itself - but just as a visual reminder to us that we were handing those things over to God...and laying down the areas where we wanted to see change and trusting God to move even when we cannot see it.

So where are those areas for you?  Are you trying to do it all yourself and feeling dragged along by your own determination?  Are you feeling forgotten because you cannot see the cogs of the wheel turning so you doubt you're moving forward?  What do you hope for?  What are you hoping for that you don't even dare to express out of fear.  The truth is we may not get to see the end of the road before we pass into the next life.  We may not get to receive all the promises this side of Heaven.  But if we do not lose our confidence, we will receive  great rewards along the way (Hebrews 10:35-36).  That sounds much better to me than trying to figure it all out myself and struggling to just put one foot in front of the other.

Here's a link to the sermon I mentioned if you're interested in checking it out;-)  Might be just what you need today.

blue-ridge.org/messages/romans-4-5

More of my heart

Good morning to anyone reading!  This post finds me in bed with what looks and feels like the flu.  Yay me! Oh well.  My mama always said that if we don't slow down, God will slow us down.  Now, I don't know if I would say God "gave" me the flu, but I do think it's possible He has allowed it to put me in a position of resting whether I want to or not.

Post Whole 30 is going well.  I am learning what works and what certainly doesn't.  I have reintroduced grains, but whole grains - not white.  I am reading labels like a fiend and cooking more healthy meals for my family.  I still occasionally get the "I'm sorry Mom but that looks weird!" I am starting to see some changes in my kids too however.  My daughter actually asked me to buy sweet potato chips at the store last week and her new favorite thing is chicken sausage infused with apple. I made hot ham & cheese sliders with whole wheat rolls, nitrate free ham, a sugar free sauce and cheese (you could leave off the cheese if you like;-) for Super Bowl Sunday and fresh guacamole with sweet potato tortilla chips.  Way different than last year's menu.

I made my favorite pasta sauce the other day and ladled it over some yummy roasted spaghetti squash.  Oh my goodness it was good.  My weight is remaining steady but once this flu nonsense is over, I will be making use of the treadmill my  husband has cleaned off and set up in the laundry room.  Right now, I do well to stay on my feet for a few minutes at a time without coughing up a lung or sneezing my head off.

I am contemplating Romans 8 these days.  "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  As Christ followers, we find great comfort in that verse, however I am finding that we also often take our liberty for granted. We often stake our claim on that one verse at the expense of other verses about "not causing our brothers to stumble" or "are we to continue to sin so grace may abound?" I am asking God to help me reconcile all these verses in light of who He is and who I am in Him so that I may live true to His word.  Not an easy task I'm afraid, but I believe as I continue to read, pray and study that God will show me where I fall short.


Have a great day friends.

Winding down

We are winding down this 2nd round of Whole 30.  As I sit here tonight, I am feeling grateful for the education I am getting.  As I read recipes, research, blogs,  etc., I find the following to be true:

1.  There is no "perfect beat all, end all" way to lose weight.  For every article I have read about tried and true to brand spankin new trends, there are at least the same number refuting said methods.  What one "expert" believes to be totally healthy and life-giving, another "expert" finds fault with in favor of something different.  Even among my friends, there are differing opinions.

2.  I have a love/hate relationship with exercise but I know I need it.  Eating healthy is great but I simply do not get the same results without also exercising.  Plus, my metabolism at 48 is way different than it was at 28.  Go figure.

3.  The best eating plan is the one you will follow and can stick with as a part of your life.  There are lots of healthy eating plans out there.  They all work as long as you follow them.  Find the one that works for you and live it.

4.  I am more at peace when I am obedient to God's word.   Seriously y'all, I cannot stress this enough.  When I end the day knowing I gave God my best, it makes rest all the sweeter.  The fact is, because I am a follower of Christ, the choices I make are worship.  They show who I serve.  I want to make sure my life is a true reflection of who Jesus is.

So a few more days to go, then we'll see where God leads.  I'll keep ya posted!

Well, Hello there!

It is day 20 of this second round of Whole30 style eating.  Some things have been easier this time.  Knowing what to cook and experimenting with new recipes has been nice and my family has even enjoyed several recipes without too much pain and whining.  Seriously, they have adjusted well to the limits.  They are not as limited in choices as I am, but we are all eating healthier and that's nice.

I have not been as strict with myself this time.  It's really been more of a lifestyle change than a food plan.  I have still lost 12 lbs and I feel better physically - from less pain in my arthritic joints to sleeping more soundly at night and waking up feeling rested rather than rusty!  Win win.

God continues to stay close.  He lets me know when I make wrong choices, but He also shows such grace and patience.  In February, I'll add some things back into my diet but it won't be a whole lot different.  I made that mistake the last time and once you add those things back in on a regular basis, it's easy to fall away from what's healthy.  I want to be a lot more careful this time and pay closer attention to what certain foods do to my body.

I was just listening to "He's been Faithful to me" by Damaris Carbaugh and the Brooklyn Tabernacle choir.  It says so well my feelings in this second round...

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
looking back, His love and mercy I see
Oh in my heart I have questioned
even failed to believe
yet He's been faithful, faithful to me"

I'm so grateful for His never ending faithfulness...My favorite Psalm is Psalm 121

121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Amen and amen...

....and now a word from my kitchen..........

Yummy smashed 'taters

5 large potatoes

almond/coconut milk (unsweetened)

clarified butter or ghee

3 (or more) strips nitrate free bacon

1 TBS minced garlic

1 chopped onion

Chives

parsley

1. peel, cut into chunks and cook potatoes in a large pot with enough water to cover the potatoes

2. While potatoes are cooking, chop garlic and onion and sauté in a little olive or coconut oil. Set aside.

3. When the potatoes are fork tender enough to mash, drain water off

4. add about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of the almond/coconut milk and a couple tablespoons clarified butter or ghee (or more if you want to- I won't judge)

5.  Using a potato masher, smash those taters up coarsely so there are some lumps

6.  Add crumbled, cooked bacon, the sautéd onions and garlic, chives and parsley (to taste and to make it pretty) - don't forget the salt and pepper!

7. Mix all together and eat it up!

Serve as a side dish to any lean meat and some steamed veggies! Oh MY!

** IF you have any leftovers, they might be a little dry but if you add some homemade Paleo ranch dressing (I love the ranch recipe from one of my favorite Paleo websites,  theclothesmakethegirl.com ) and heat it up, it will be nice and creamy and have a little 'zing' to boot! 

Round 2

"Behold, I am doing a new thing....."Isaiah 43:19a

So It's day 3 of my second round of Whole 30 type eating.  After the "feasting" season of Thanksgiving and Christmas, my body is very ready for a change.  My weight has gone up and down and up and down the last couple months, and so has my energy level.  It's time to -as we say in Tennessee - hunker down and get busy.  After 2 days back in the "30" saddle, I already have more energy at the beginning of the day, and I have to say it was not as hard falling back in line with the plan as I thought it would be.  I spent the last few days of December in prep mode.  Egg boiling, menu planning, condiment making, recipe searching, butter clarifying, you name it.  I am excited to try some new sauces and things I have found and adapting my own.

I'm grateful I had somewhat of a knowledge base in my head this time around.  It made shopping easier and it's been easier to figure out what to have for dinner, because I already have ideas from the last time.  So grateful I kept notes too, so I could go back and refer to them.  I even cleaned out my spices and organized them in a drawer - label side up of course- so I can easily see what I need without something falling on my head!  I love to cook and I love to use spices, but if I can't get to them, I am less likely to use them and the food tastes bland and I miss the mixes, prepackaged flavors and such that I definitely DON'T need.

In other news, the holidays were great and time off with the family was wonderful, but I am ready for a normal schedule again.  My little family loves a little laid back leisure, but we so much better when we have a routine.  We had the "first of the year family meeting" yesterday (my man and I had our "meeting" the day before), and talked about some goals to work on for the coming year.  Healthy eating for the whole family is one of those.  The kids were thrilled!  Okay not really but let me have my little fantasy for a minute here.  The boys take after their dad....meat and potatoes and the occasional, "What are those green things called again?" My girl though, she is like her mama and likes to try new things so I have at least one ally.

My husband wants to try out some of this plan this time too.  As a man who has lost large amounts of weight in his young adult hood, he knows the benefits of healthy eating, but he isn't totally sold on the strict nature of Whole30 just yet.  He may be able to incorporate a few changes into his routine and do just fine.  For me, Whole30 is just a good "reset" to remind my body what good food and good health feel like.  That motivates me to move forward and continue doing the right things.  That and the even bigger motivation to be the woman God wants me to be.  Above all else, I want to honor Him.

And now a word from my kitchen:

Favorite meal so far:

-olive oil in the skillet
-saute onions, peppers, mushrooms and garlic till soft then set aside
-make hamburger patties (lean - no add ins- season with salt, pepper and garlic powder), throw in skillet and cook till mostly done
-add veggies back in with meat and cover with coconut aminoes (soy sauce alternative) and a little more olive oil and simmer until the meat is cooked through and the kitchen smells heavenly.

I didn't want to go down to the basement for potatoes ( I was in the middle of several other cooking projects at the same time) so I grabbed a handful of  frozen sweet potato cubes (I buy bags of frozen cubed sweet potatoes at Fresh Market and they are the bomb diggity-no peeling - holla!)  and heated them in the microwave with a little butter (clarified) and cinnamon.

Oh Aunt Bee....it'll make your tongue slap your eyes out!

I made four patties, ate one and put three more in the fridge in a container with the veggies for quick/easy dinners over the next few days.