Day 7

One week.  I have been on this new plan for one whole week.  There are some things I have learned even in 7 short days...

1. Not everyone is going to understand what I'm doing and why.  That's okay.  I just need to be obedient and pay more attention to what God says than what people say.

2. While I am doing very well so far, I am more concerned about being obedient to God's plan than Whole30's plan.  I'm not deliberately cheating - don't get me wrong.  If, however I find out after I've eaten something that it has an ingredient I'm not supposed to have,  I am not going to start over at day one.  I will move forward. For me, this plan is not as much about detoxing my body (although that is happening as a result of what I'm not eating) as it is about detoxing my mind and spirit of old thoughts, habits and idols that have held me captive since I was a child.

Thankfully, those "accidental" ingredients have only popped up twice and in very very small increments.  Once I was unable to sleep and mindlessly popped a cough drop in my mouth in the middle of the night.  When I woke up the next morning, I thought "yep that probably had sugar in it."
The second time was just last night.  As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, we had our 1st Wednesday fellowship at worship team practice.  One of my dear friends brought a dish she had prepared especially for me.  She had checked out the ingredients online and told me everything that was in it.  All approved, so I put a small bite in my mouth and then she said, "Oh yeah, there's a little soy sauce in it too."  whoops.  Thankfully it was only one small bite, and certainly not intentional.  I am so grateful for the effort she put into making that especially for me and for going to all the trouble of looking things up.  She just missed the "no soy" rule in the process.

3.  I won't die without the foods I've temporarily  eliminated from my diet - although it feels like I might at times. Yes I miss cheese and bread and soda but even at the end of 30 days, I don't think I can go back completely to the way I ate before.  I'm a little nervous about "what comes after." I want to remain in a healthy state of mind and keep listening to God's voice.  I don't want to dive head-long into a bread bowl of cheese soup (okay, maybe I WANT to, but I don't think it'd be wise - or pretty).  I will need to wait on God's voice at the end of this first road trip and see what He wants me to do next so I can be all He wants me to be

4.  The key is depending on Jesus and letting Him have His way in me.  I have been doing this thing myself for a long time and telling people "I'm on a weight loss journey."  Yeah I've been on a journey; I've just been going in circles!  Have I mentioned that I have a lot in common with the Old Testament Israelites?  I have circled this mountain long enough.  It's time to head north. (Deuteronomy 2:3)

So here's to Week one -  With God's help it's done.  And in one minute it will be Friday so yay God and bring on Week 2!

Day 6

It's late and I'm tired but it's a good tired.  Tonight was worship practice and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people.  We had a fellowship night with food (don't worry, I brought my own), and then some singing and stories from our worship leader who just returned from Nepal.

I have to tell you that worship feels different now.  Not because of me but because of Him.  I know being obedient is part of it, but He just feels so close right now.  I know he is helping me as I cook for others (without tasting anything) and tote my personal cooler around from place to place.  It was good to talk with friends tonight.  I made sure not to hide out in the kitchen but to sit with friends and talk while we ate.  That part's getting easier and I am talking to people about the food plan as God leads.

This is not without it's difficulties.  Last night as I made pizza sticks for my kids, it was so very hard to smell and handle the cheese and pepperoni without popping it in my mouth.  I found myself resentful and sad but I just kept telling myself, "Self, God's got this.  One movement at a time.  No..don't pick up that melted cheese and eat it.  You will regret it and it will only make you want more."  Got through that with God's help.  I cooked my meal separately and ate it reminding myself this journey will be so worth it when I get to say at the end, "God did this."

The lyrics of one of our worship songs hit me particularly hard tonight - in a good way.  It really solidified once again that God is in this to change my heart and not my pants size. This is from "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan.

"He is jealous for me
loves like a hurricane
I am a tree bending beneath
the weight of His wind and
mercy.
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions
eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us"

Jesus, I am overwhelmed at Your love for me and that You are a jealous God.  You don't want part of me, You want it all.  Your mercy is so great, sometimes even heavy, that I bend under the weight.  I am so messed up but in the light of your glory, I learn that I am Your desire.  Earthly things pale in comparison and the beauty of Your love for me is so incredible that I have to catch my breath.  Thank you for coming after me and saving me from ...well...me.

Day 5

So today was staff lunch (we have that once a month right before staff meeting.  Alex brings the food and the staff works in teams to help him each time).  I went in the kitchen and there was nothing I could have, but I had packed my lunch with that possibility in mind so I was good.  So was my lunch;0)  I ate with some of the girls and no one even asked why mine was different.  They were a little skeptical about the sunshine sauce though;0)  I'm still deciding if I like it or not.  Maybe if I cook with it.  It did give a little variety to the chicken which was nice.

I still miss soda, but I am seeing the effect water is having on my body.  It's all good stuff but I am in the bathroom a lot more than I used to be! LOL

I am grateful for the prayers I know are being prayed for me.  I can feel them and I love you all for it.
I am so grateful for the word of God and how He is using it to strengthen me, teach me and love me.
A friend encouraged me with these words yesterday.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over (master) it.” (Genesis 4:7 NIV) 

God was talking to Cain.  Abel, his brother had brought a sacrifice to God -one of his finest lambs.  Cain had also brought an offering.  Scripture says he brought "some of his crops."  That doesn't sound quite as stellar does it?  Not because they were veggies and not meat, but because they were "just some of the harvest" and not the very best of what he had grown.  Cain didn't do his best.  God warned him that if he didn't do the right thing that sin would be right there to point him in the wrong direction.  Boy was it.  Cain killed his brother out of jealousy and changed his future forever. God takes disobedience seriously.

How does that apply to me?

If I am halfway doing something, or only doing it when I feel like it, or giving God my leftovers or what I can spare.....the enemy is all too ready to slide right in there with a "that's good enough."  Problem is that for years, I have given partial offerings and sin has indeed been crouching at my door to influence my choices.  I would start a new eating plan only to give up when it got hard or when I saw something I wanted more.  That's sad and it's sin.

I need to give till it hurts.  To, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:27, "discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."  

Ouch.  Jesus, help me to always give my best offering according to what you have asked of me.  Help me find strength in obedience and joy in this journey.  It's hard - but I trust You to do it in me.

Day 4

Today was a good day.  I was at home for most of it and I loved that.  I ate well today and even experimented with some recipes.  I made clarified butter and thoroughly enjoyed it on my potato at dinner.  I also made deviled eggs with avocado and lime juice.  It was okay, but I think there was too much lime for my taste and it made the filling a little too tart.  I may fool around with the recipe at some point and try some different combinations, but for now I'll eat them and make a face while I do it;-) The original recipe I used called for hot sauce and I didn't have any, so maybe that would've taken the bite out of the lime.

I am reading through the book of Genesis right now and realizing how much it talks about food.

At creation, God tells Adam that he can eat plants and things that produce seed.

Gen. 1:29 And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. "

 Let all my Vegetarian/Vegan brothers and sisters rejoice!

 Adam and Eve - well that's a no brainer - although if I were gonna be tempted by a food tree, it would've been something chocolate.  Candy tree? Why not? It WAS "Paradise" after all!  

Thankfully for those of us who are carnivores, we get a nod after the flood.

Gen. 9:3  Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And just as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.

Meat eaters, can I get a witness?  Haaaay!

So at this point, it seems God doesn't have a beef with food itself (pardon the pun).  He is more concerned with our obedience, our trust, our willingness to give to Him what is most valuable to us.
It's a lot to think about.

Day 3

Today was Sunday all day long.  Not a bad thing, but boy I was ready for a nap when I got home!  I packed up all my food this morning - boiled eggs for breakfast, chicken, green beans for lunch and some of the salad from the cafe' lunch we were given backstage (no cheese - yay!) I had packed my salad dressing with some cucumbers and tomatoes in case there wasn't a salad, so I just drizzled that stuff on the salad and voila! It was lunch.  I am ready to explore some recipes that go beyond just the stir fry method, although that tastes good.  I just like to have options.  Plus if I find a really good recipe I can make it for my family and get them on board (of course without them knowing) and cut down on the double cooking.

I made clothesmakethegirl's Italian pork roast in the crockpot and it was yummy.  Hubby liked that one too so it may be a new addition to the dinner rotation.  Win win.

I am finding that as people ask questions and i talk to them about where God has me right now, it just confirms that this is the path He has chosen for me.  Whole30 is not a faith based program, but it is very healthy and it strips away every food I have run to instead of God.  I am reminded of Josiah tearing down those idols and grounding them into powder.  God doesn't want me to pull down this idol of food/gluttony just so I can go back to it after I lose a few pounds.  He wants to desecrate it - making it impossible to go back without an effort on my part.  In essence, He has given me a holy ultimatum: Tear down this idol for good or walk away from serving because I cannot stand on a stage and lead worship each week and tell people through my words and songs that say,  "God can handle all your problems" when I am refusing to release this problem to His care.  I've been to this place (sort of) before only to wimp out when it got hard or when too many people started noticing.  I feel like God is telling me to not wimp out this time.  The stakes are too high - and it's not just about me.

I confess I feel the weight of that last statement.  I feel I am going to be more vulnerable than I have ever been through this and that scares me a little - okay, a lot.  I believe, however, that God is in this and that He has chosen me for this time, for this place, for this plan - so how can it not be good?

Day 2

This is Saturday.  The morning was good with running kids to Band/dance camps and errands with my man.  I didn't drink enough water between breakfast and lunch and I got hungry.  Too hungry.  Lunch was yummy once I got to it, but I realized I need to keep my water with me when I'm out.  It really does make a difference. Especially as I am trying to stay with the plan and not eat anything between meals.   I got to church this afternoon and one of the band members made dinner for the praise team - that was a blessing so I didn't have to handle a lot of food I couldn't have.  She out did herself.  Lasagne, salad, garlic cheese toast and this strawberry little piece of Heaven in a trifle bowl.  I looked at the display and thought, "How pretty.  Too bad I can't have any of it." The salad was covered in cheese so I couldn't even have salad.  Thankfully, I had some beef stew in the fridge that was plan friendly so I ate that instead.  I explained to the cook why I couldn't eat her beautiful offering and she was okay about it.  She wanted me to dig from the underneath of the salad  but I felt weird doing that and I just didn't want to take the chance of getting some cheese in there.  That's such a trigger food for me.

So I ate my beef stew in my office and then went out and hung around with everyone while they ate that strawberry thing of beauty.  I realized that I felt sad about not being able to eat the other food and also a little lonely because I felt like I wasn't part of the group. I could've eaten my beef stew out there with everyone else, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself or the fact that I wasn't eating this incredible looking, smelling and I heard tasting food everyone was raving about. The few people in the room who knew what I was doing were very supportive with whispers and encouragement and that helped.  It just all felt so weird.    Hmmm, I always knew I was an emotional eater, but I didn't realize how deep it went.  I think I need to pray about that some more.

So...lots to think about.  I need to pack food for tomorrow since I will be at the building for 6 1/2 hours.  This is a new life for sure.  I hope that it will get to be routine and just "what I do" without thinking about it.  I'm trying to show myself grace since it's just day 2 and not expecting to have it all together.  I've never been good at that "show yourself grace" thing.  More to pray about.

By the way, Toni decided not to do the plan with me.  God is leading her in a different direction.  She will be working a different plan but we will still walk together and check in on each other.

Oh, I found coconut aminos today.  It was fun that my husband helped me look for them.  He has been super supportive this week and really encouraging.  I am grateful for that.

That's all for Day 2.

ps. mashed sweet potato is good for breakfast;-)

Prep/day 1

I started out this day in Haggai 2.  Verse 4 really rang my bell to get this adventure started.

"Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord.  Be strong, O Joshua, son of Jehozadak, the high priest.  Be strong, all you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts,"

How's that for a beginning? He's not telling me it's gonna be easy, but he is promising to be with me while I work. And today I worked! I walked with Toni, I spent the afternoon washing, cutting, sautéing and pre-cooking for the next however many days.  I cooked dinner for my family in there too somewhere.  Here is what day one looked like food wise.  I won't "report" every day, but if I come across a good recipe, I will share;-) Just wanted to let you know how the first day went. Pretty good day I think, I attribute a lot of that to your prayers.  Thank You!

Breakfast - 2 boiled eggs

Lunch - spinach salad w/lots of veggies, 1/2 avocado & homemade oil & vinegar dressing
tuna ( white, packed in olive oil)

Dinner - Baked chicken with "All American Spice Rub" ( found it at Fresh Market), sweet potatoes (roasted in coconut oil and a little sea salt), tomato wedges/sliced cucumber/the other half of the avocado from lunch.

Lots and lots of water!

And now here's a Nate story to make you giggle.

Nate: "Mom I don't think you need to diet. You are perfect just the way you are."
Me: "Well, honey, this isn't really a diet.  It's just eating a lot healthier so I can be with you a lot longer.  I think this is what God wants me to do so I can honor Him with my body."
Nate:" But you're the most Christ following woman I know!  You sing, you do counseling, and I love it when you smile because your cheeks are red and it reminds me of Santa Claus' wife!"

Wow. Just wow. Good thing he's cute.

Onward and upward to day 2.