So, how we doin'?

Howdy.  It's been awhile.  After the women's retreat, the flu, a trip to Atlanta for a yearly conference I attend with my church family, teen craziness, football games and band competitions, I am still standing (well, propped up is more like it)!

I am still walking this food thing out day by day.  Some good days, some not so good but learning more every day what living an obedient life looks like and doesn't.  I am learning that when I lean on my own understanding it's a train wreck, but when I depend on God for my strength, I eat healthier, I live freer and feel lighter inside and out.  Seems like a no-brainer, but for this girl it's a huge learning curve!  I am learning and experimenting more with paleo cooking, and that's been fun.  I make healthy recipes for the girls in my small group and they want me to write a cookbook.  Not sure what I'd call it, but here are some ideas...

"Bits and Pieces: making something out of nothing..."

"Odds and ends: using weird ingredients to create magic"

"Paleo imperfection:  it may look ugly, but it'll taste good..."


Who knows if I'll ever do it.  I don't measure much unless I'm baking, so it's difficult to remember  to write things down unless I do it while I'm cooking it.  That seems like an awful lot of trouble.

So...exercise. Yeah, I'm not good at that.  I was walking with a friend, but our schedules got switched around thanks to our kids and their school/work schedules.  I've tried a couple things but haven't found anything I enjoy consistently.  I know I need it, and my body craves it, but I need to pray for the "want to" because I don't have it.

Payday is Wednesday and I will re stock my "good" food.  I need to tighten up a little bit before the holidays set in.  I want to be in a good place when I start visiting family and face all the yummy temptations of the season.

God continues to be faithful to remind me of why I began this journey.  His word remains a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  His presence is so close.  I am grateful.  I'm trying to not make this about a number on the scale but about His holiness and what He expects from me. Praise be to God that He is more concerned about the state of my heart than the number on my scale.  I don't know who if anyone still reads this, but if you do read it, thank you and keep praying!

Lost and found

I have found myself feeling a little lost this week.  Not scary lost like I think I'm going crazy.  No, just lost like life is whizzing by and spinning me around each time it passes.  My food has been pretty good considering, but I am finding that when I am tired or depressed I don't want to eat healthy.  I am still packing my food for work and that has been a life saver, but when I'm at home it is hard to make good choices sometimes.

Today I have been contemplating doing Whole30 again. At least a very close version of it for the majority of my food. I seem to do better if I don't have a lot of choices and it kind of forces me to choose the healthy options because I don't allow myself to choose anything else.  My only fear in that is I don't want this to become just another idol.  Right now you're asking yourself, "What the monkey is she talking about?"

You heard me.  Being crazy strict about what you eat and how you eat it can be just as much an addiction as eating all the unhealthy stuff.  You become afraid of food and it becomes your master just as if you were mindlessly eating string cheese and potato chips every meal.  I have been down that road too (I told you I have tried it all!) and I was in just as much bondage.  The purpose (or one of them at least) of Whole30 was to break that food addiction and not be enslaved by it any longer.  I want food to be in its proper place in my life.  I am going on a women's retreat this weekend and I hope to spend some time just asking Jesus what He wants me to do next.  If He wants me to do another Whole30 round, I want to be willing but if He says something else, I want to be willing to go that route too.  I'm in this for the long haul so whatever He says goes.

If you're reading this, I would love for you to pray for me to that end.

Letting Go

Week 2 post Whole30.  I am learning that with change comes difficult choices. Those choices may not be popular...such as no longer buying sodas for my family.  If they want a soda out at a restaurant or football game, that's fine.  I just don't need it in the house and neither do they.  Not popular, but it has been accepted.

Another choice was to allow myself a "fun food" day.  This doesn't mean going overboard or undoing all that I had done with Whole30, it just means allowing a day of rest from the regimen to enjoy a treat with my family....like at the football game or if we go to the movies or something on a weekend.  For me, if this is going to be a lifestyle and not a "diet," I need to find a balance.  It may mean that my weight loss is a little slower, but I think it will be more manageable and easier to make it a permanent life style. In Scripture, there were designated times for feasting and celebration.  It wasn't every day, but it did happen. Now, don't get me wrong....I doubt I'm going to weekly go kill a fatted calf or have dancing girls in my living room, but I think if I have popcorn at the ball game or a couple bites of candy then give the rest to my kids it will feel like a treat to me, give me something to look forward to and maybe even motivate me to work harder earlier in the week.

My weight and energy level are adjusting to the add ins and it is starting to feel more normal to eat healthy.  I am trying to exercise as well, even if I only have time for stretching or using the resistance band while I take a break from housework.  The couple pounds I gained last week as I neglected my healthy fats and added in some of the previously banned foods is coming back off and I am paying more attention. Last week was good for me as it showed me how easily it can all go backwards when I'm not planning or paying attention to what goes in my mouth.  Planning and pre packing are a must.  It has to be. No fun, but reality nonetheless.

I am understanding that Jesus has my heart and even when my choices seem odd or unpopular to others, I have to listen to Him.  He declared all foods permissible , but He also reminds us that not all are beneficial. Every day cannot be a "feast" day.  There must be balance.  I need that grace, wisdom and mercy to guide me daily.

"In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed.  In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13

I am working on a song for a retreat this weekend and I love the words.  It speaks so much to where I am at this point in the journey.  I'm grateful for creative writers and musicians who can speak my heart....

Letting Go - by Steffany Gretzinger

You've brought me to the end of myself
And this has been the longest road
just when my hallelujah was tired
you gave me a new song

now I'm letting go
falling into you

I confess I still get scared sometimes
But perfect love comes rushing in
and all the lies that screamed inside go silent
the moment You begin

now I'm letting go
falling into you

You remind me of things forgotten
You unwind me until I'm totally undone
and with Your arms around me,
fear was no match for Your love
now you've won me


Amen and Amen, Jesus. Help me to daily let go.

Keep on keepin' on

This week has been interesting.  Still eating mostly Whole30 style but adding in a few things here and there.  Super busy this week and I let my attention get sidetracked from getting enough water and healthy fats.  Plus schedule changes for both my teenagers which meant schedule changes for me and needing to rework my schedule.  I have felt discombobulated all week and it showed up on the scale this morning and in how I feel today.

Stress and failure to plan really do make a  difference.  So....time to push the reset button.

It's no accident or coincidence that this was the reading in my devotions this morning...

"Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God -- or rather are known by God -- how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces?  Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?" Galatians 4:8-9

Jesus, I am so glad that I am known by You.  Help me to pay attention and not rest on the results of the last 30 days.  The journey is just beginning and I need to keep my eyes on You. Help me look at my schedule through Your filter and make choices based on what is Your truth for me.

New revelations

As I am "gently" adding things back into my diet, I am learning some things.  Primarily, I am learning that my life is changing from something very unhealthy to something fresh and life giving.  I have tried a few things, but my body isn't happy with some of them.  I think dairy is a big culprit.  Y'all know how I love me some cheese, but I'm realizing that it's going to have to be a rare treat and not an everyday occurrence.

I seem to do okay with wheat bread, but I am limiting myself there (1 slice a day) because bread is too easily a trigger.  I am choosing the healthier variety...whole grain, no secret unreadable ingredients or anything yucky.  It's not what I would've consumed before, but I knew when my 30 days were over, I would need to change my tastebuds for healthier options even when it comes to bread.

So as I learn, I listen to what God tells me and make plans for each day.  His ways are better.

With fall on the horizon, I already miss the loss of the fresh summer fruit and veggies, but I have put a few things in the freezer and look forward to soups and stews and all things pumpkin.  There's more than one way to eat a veggie....right?

beyond the boundaries

Today was my first day of "life after Whole30".  I stressed so much about how to add things back in, I decided to "not decide."  When I spoke to Pam at church later, she had decided the same thing.  Love that!  I woke up this morning and just chose to let the day go as it went.  I had bacon for breakfast (nitrate free of course) and then I decided to have a brownie I had put away for myself after making them for the kids last night (don't you dare judge me).  I think I just wanted to get the first food experience over with.  I expected this to be the best brownie in the history of brownies after not having sweets for the last month....and I do love me some brownies....but you know what?  It was okay, but it wasn't as sweet as I expected and there was no little chocolate flavor explosion in my mouth.  I walked away from that saying to myself, "Self, okay, now you've done it.  The first one is over and it did not live up to the hype.  Let it go and go on with your day."

I went to church but didn't partake in the pizza they were having for lunch, I just hung out with my friends and worshipped and answered questions because people have been reading the blog now that I put it on Facebook.  It's hard knowing that the whole Facebook world knows and is watching, but that's okay too.  If my experience can help someone else get closer to Jesus and get closer to better health it's totally worth a little exposure on my part.  Can't believe I'm saying that.  Oddly enough, the message today was about making good choices.  Thanks God...You knew I'd need that today.

Made some yummy chicken salad for lunch and ate it on romaine leaves.  My "add in" was craisins and a hand full of walnuts (which aren't that bad, but I hadn't had any for 30 days so it feels like a treat).  It was so good I had more for dinner;0)  Then it was a peach with some cinnamon sprinkled on it and warmed in the microwave for dessert and I was good for the day.  All in all, not a bad first day beyond the boundaries.

So here's the chicken salad recipe and why it's good for you...

Shredded rotisserie chicken that I'd made yesterday in the crockpot (recipe is online all over the place) - protein source
paleo mayonnaise (theclothesmakethegirl) - healthy fat in the olive oil mayo and more protein
shredded carrots - veggies...
chopped red peppers - more veggies
onion powder (I had no fresh onions) - the taste without the tears - hello.
handful of chopped walnuts - more protein
handful of craisins - a little sweet for my chicken meat.  It was fun to add that in there and not worry about breaking some rule.

There are no measurements because I made it up and really everything is measured to the taste and texture you like.  I threw the first 5 ingredients in a food processor and chopped it up nice and fine then added a little more mayo ( it looked dry) and mixed in the walnuts and craisins.  Smeared it on some big romaine lettuce leaves and it was mighty tasty.

Jesus is so good to me.  I got to sing at Celebrate Recovery tonight before my friend Rachel gave her testimony.  The song she requested?  "Never Once" by Matt Redman...perfect for her story -- and mine.

"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Day 30!!!!!!!

Well, it's day 30!  Today has been a great day. Sleeping late (8am), homemade condiment making,  Lunch pre-packing, errand running, dinner date with my man  AND  a new crockpot cookbook...aaaaah he speaks my love language!

So...this is a little evaluation of my Whole30 journey:

Physically:

1. I lost 21 pounds
2.  I sleep better (through the night now except when my 48 year old bladder beckons, and then I can go right back to sleep)
3. My joints don't ache as much (cold rainy days are still not fun, but I feel so much better on a daily basis!)
4. I have been able to get into clothes I haven't been able to wear in a long time
5.  I have way more energy
6.  I have only had one small headache in 30 days when I typically have at least one a week
7. My tastebuds have changed.  I crave fruit.  Let me say that again...I CRAVE FRUIT!

Mentally:

1.  I no longer feel that I need junk food to get me through a rough day
2.  I choose to eat healthy food  not because I don't like junk food anymore - because I do  - I think.  I haven't had any, so I'm not sure if it's all in my head or if I really do still like it.  I choose to eat healthy food because it is what best fuels my body to do the things God has called me to do.  I cannot say I won't ever eat a brownie or pizza slice again, but I think I can say it will not be a daily occurrence nor make up the majority of my meals.
3.  Healthy fat is not an oxymoron.  It is essential to my good health and to weight loss

Spiritually:

1.  Food is not my friend.  Jesus is.
2.  Food is only able to make me feel good for awhile.  God's comfort lasts forever.
3.  No food tastes as good as obedience feels.
4. I worship differently because I no longer feel I am trying to worship "in spite of" but "because of".
5. God means for us to live in community with people, not hide from them.

I am grateful for many people who have held up my arms and daily lifted my name to Jesus throughout this journey.  This journey is not over, it is just changing form and moving forward to a new adventure.  God is not done with me yet.  I am sure.  I probably will not blog every day now, but I will try to check in often because I believe God wants me to keep sharing what He's doing.  All glory to HIM.