Confessions of a food addict

This time last week I was sitting at a Cheesecake Factory in Georgia with a bunch of my worship peeps.  We were attending the annual Catalyst conference as we do every year.  We take 10 to 12 worship team leaders in a big van (along with 90 or so other leaders from our church body in various and sundry vehicles) and spend two days "drinking from a fire hydrant" of speakers from the Christian and secular business world.  The Cheesecake Factory is not officially part of the conference, but it is tradition for our team.  We go there when we get into town to unwind after a day on the road and there is plenty of laughter, shenanigans and cheesecake to go around.  We feel it prepares us physically for what we will receive spiritually the next two days.  Okay, okay not really but that sounded good didn't it? In other news...Thank you Jesus for 'steak Diane'.  I've never met Diane, but I surely do love her steak. mmmmm

Since I cannot have cheesecake right now on my healthy food plan, I savored each bite of steak- then the voices in my head - that I am in the process of re-training to talk myself out of unhealthy foods instead of justifying them -began having a conversation of epic proportion.

  While my friends saw me laughing and enjoying my steak Diane (have I said yet that I love her? I mean ...if I weren't done having babies I would surely name a child after her --even if it was a boy),  

THIS is what was going on inside my head.....

"Okay self, repeat after me.....'I have no room for cheesecake, I have no room for cheesecake, protein is better than sugar', did that boy just offer me cheesecake? - oh no he didn't'!!!!. Resist, resist! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!  HELP ME JESUS I'M NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE! There's no place like home there's no place like home!.....if I only had a brain...or a Lara Bar, oooohhhhhh pumpkin, godiva and snickers oh my!"

The good news is I had no cheesecake. I had not one bite of anyone else's even ...AND I GOT SEVERAL OFFERS - HELLO!  Whew! The bad news is that by the time we got back to the hotel, my poor ol' brain hurt from all that exercise!  When I got home two days later, I discovered I had actually lost weight this year at the conference and that has never happened in all the times I have ever gone.  Then I remembered how much I exercised my brain and I realized that the only thing that actually shrunk was my hat size.  Ahhh well.  It's a small victory but the small ones add up to big ones and knowing Jesus pulled me through  was sweet.  Smaller jeans feel nice but feeling God's delight in my obedience is so much better.

So stick that in your cheesecake and smoke it.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to email Diane.

What Matters to God...and what doesn't

When I get to the end of my life, I do not think it will matter to God

...if I was a good person 
...if I did more good things than bad things in this life 
...if I gave a lot of money in the offering plate or to good causes
...if I posted religious "memes" on Facebook and warned my friends to share them or risk people (or even God for heaven's sake) thinking they don't really love God, are ashamed of Him or don't want Him to radically bless them with something "miraculous" in the next 24 hours
...if I said "Amen" to all the social media posts that were anti-whichever people group the right wing is mad at or offended by this week 
...if I spoke, dressed, watched, listened, read, lathered-rinsed-repeated what was modest and in good taste just so I could judge anyone who didn't


What I do believe will matter to God is this...

...if I believed in His Son Jesus and received Him as my savior, leader, forgiver and LORD
...if I had a personal relationship with Him that went beyond religious dos and don'ts but gave me a burning desire to do what pleased Him because He's worth it
...if His Word was the filter through which I saw every decision
...if I lived my beliefs rather than beat people over the head with them
...if what people saw and believed about my relationship with Christ made them want to get closer to Jesus - not run away from Him


As I read back over those two categories, I am stepping on my own toes and asking for forgiveness for the times when I live in the first category more than the second.  There is certainly a place for moral living, modesty, generous giving, agreeing with truth (except those memes...I really hate those!), but if that first category is the measuring stick by which I determine my Christianity then I will routinely hit road blocks when I am not doing enough, saying enough, or being enough. We simply cannot succeed at that kind of Christianity for the long run.

If, however I live in the second category, what the world will see is a real relationship.  One that falls down and gets back up.  One that owns it's mistakes, that seeks to love, encourage, build up others first. One that knows that the Christian life is not based on our performance but on God's grace.  My life will look different - sometimes even odd to others but not unwelcoming or unloving. 

Lord, would you keep my feet securely in the things that matter to you.  Take captive my thoughts, my actions, my desires that they may draw others to you. Forgive me when I get in the way.  You are God.  I am not.  Amen and Amen. 

The substance of things hoped for

This past weekend, our pastor continued a series on grace.  His focus this particular weekend was on how faith is the key to grace.  I must confess the message hit me hard in several areas of my life and my walk right now as a Christ follower.  Life has been - for lack of a more friendly term - a booger the last few months and I feel as though I've been dragged along behind.  I have not been consistent in my time with God nor my eating, nor my finances, nor my parenting.....etc.  The enemy has enjoyed heaping guilt upon my head..."you only spent 10 minutes in the word today?  Really? What's wrong with you?" or "You are screwing up your kids so bad.  Why can't you be like 'that' parent?"  or "Did you really just eat that? Have you learned nothing?"  Often times it was his accusing voice I heard. Other times, sadly, it was my own.  I am usually pretty quick to show grace to others, but not always myself.  Then I get bogged down in the yuck.  I ask God to show me where He is in those times because my eyes are just full of....well...myself.

As I listened to Pastor's sermon Sunday morning, I felt God gently remind me of all the ways He had shown grace through the "crazy".  I found myself enveloped in gratefulness for:

1.  Health - while each member of the family experienced a little of the various viruses going around this winter and my hubby and I got the brunt of it, no one ended up in the hospital.  No one needed a specialist, no one died or was in danger of it.  I cannot say the same for others in my circle of friends/family.

2.  Finances - With two teenagers and one pre-teen, someone is always in need of money for one thing or another.  We get letters/emails/fb posts from the various schools asking for this, asking for that, then the cars need gas, need to be inspected, need to be fixed, need to be fixed again, we are all still eating EVERY DAY for heaven sake and don't get me started on kids outgrowing their clothes (so grateful for boys who love to wear shorts all year round!) or special clothes needed for this program that prom etc. etc.,...usually RIGHT AFTER we have paid the bills and there's nothing left.  It's enough to make me rip my hair out by it's home-dyed roots.....

BUT THEN...I remember that we have 3 beautiful children when many of our friends have had a life long struggle with infertility.  We have 2 functioning (mostly) vehicles when 2/3 of the world have no vehicle at all. We have never missed a meal or even had to wonder where the food would come from in the last few months.  That alone makes us richer than most of the planet. We have never had to worry about whether or not we will have to rebuild our lives after a natural disaster.

Love these ladies

3.  Spiritually - I just recently returned from a missions trip where I met some beautiful women who long to know more about Jesus and how to live for Him.  I got the privilege of teaching them what the bible says about our identity in Him and about the truth of who God says we are.  I got to learn from my fellow teammates as they taught the women how to get the most out of scripture and how to not get stuck in our stuff.  I got to witness women talk to each other and laugh when they only understood a few words in the others' language.  I got to witness the beauty of the body of Christ in all sizes, shapes and colors.

How often God speaks TO me even when He is speaking THROUGH me.  It's sort of the spiritual equivalent of giving one of your children a spanking while receiving one yourself.  Yowza.

So much more I could share, but the bottom line for me was this....Through all the "crazy" God has continued to be faithful to love, lead and encourage me.  He has shown great grace when I have failed and great encouragement to rise from the ashes and move forward.  He has, as David said in the Psalms, "forgiven the guilt of my sin."  He has reminded me that faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen (thanks Pastor Woody and Hebrews 11:1).  I don't have trouble having faith that God will keep His future promises.  Where I miss the mark so often is when I stop believing that EVEN NOW, God is working on my behalf to move me toward the fulfillment of those promises and even when I cannot see His hand, I need to still trust His heart for me.

When we exercise faith we experience grace

To end his message on Sunday, Pastor asked us to come forward and talk to God about the things we were having trouble having faith for. He had this huge key laying on the stage and asked us to just come up and lay a hand on it - not because there was anything magical or spiritual about the key itself - but just as a visual reminder to us that we were handing those things over to God...and laying down the areas where we wanted to see change and trusting God to move even when we cannot see it.

So where are those areas for you?  Are you trying to do it all yourself and feeling dragged along by your own determination?  Are you feeling forgotten because you cannot see the cogs of the wheel turning so you doubt you're moving forward?  What do you hope for?  What are you hoping for that you don't even dare to express out of fear.  The truth is we may not get to see the end of the road before we pass into the next life.  We may not get to receive all the promises this side of Heaven.  But if we do not lose our confidence, we will receive  great rewards along the way (Hebrews 10:35-36).  That sounds much better to me than trying to figure it all out myself and struggling to just put one foot in front of the other.

Here's a link to the sermon I mentioned if you're interested in checking it out;-)  Might be just what you need today.

blue-ridge.org/messages/romans-4-5

More of my heart

Good morning to anyone reading!  This post finds me in bed with what looks and feels like the flu.  Yay me! Oh well.  My mama always said that if we don't slow down, God will slow us down.  Now, I don't know if I would say God "gave" me the flu, but I do think it's possible He has allowed it to put me in a position of resting whether I want to or not.

Post Whole 30 is going well.  I am learning what works and what certainly doesn't.  I have reintroduced grains, but whole grains - not white.  I am reading labels like a fiend and cooking more healthy meals for my family.  I still occasionally get the "I'm sorry Mom but that looks weird!" I am starting to see some changes in my kids too however.  My daughter actually asked me to buy sweet potato chips at the store last week and her new favorite thing is chicken sausage infused with apple. I made hot ham & cheese sliders with whole wheat rolls, nitrate free ham, a sugar free sauce and cheese (you could leave off the cheese if you like;-) for Super Bowl Sunday and fresh guacamole with sweet potato tortilla chips.  Way different than last year's menu.

I made my favorite pasta sauce the other day and ladled it over some yummy roasted spaghetti squash.  Oh my goodness it was good.  My weight is remaining steady but once this flu nonsense is over, I will be making use of the treadmill my  husband has cleaned off and set up in the laundry room.  Right now, I do well to stay on my feet for a few minutes at a time without coughing up a lung or sneezing my head off.

I am contemplating Romans 8 these days.  "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  As Christ followers, we find great comfort in that verse, however I am finding that we also often take our liberty for granted. We often stake our claim on that one verse at the expense of other verses about "not causing our brothers to stumble" or "are we to continue to sin so grace may abound?" I am asking God to help me reconcile all these verses in light of who He is and who I am in Him so that I may live true to His word.  Not an easy task I'm afraid, but I believe as I continue to read, pray and study that God will show me where I fall short.


Have a great day friends.

Winding down

We are winding down this 2nd round of Whole 30.  As I sit here tonight, I am feeling grateful for the education I am getting.  As I read recipes, research, blogs,  etc., I find the following to be true:

1.  There is no "perfect beat all, end all" way to lose weight.  For every article I have read about tried and true to brand spankin new trends, there are at least the same number refuting said methods.  What one "expert" believes to be totally healthy and life-giving, another "expert" finds fault with in favor of something different.  Even among my friends, there are differing opinions.

2.  I have a love/hate relationship with exercise but I know I need it.  Eating healthy is great but I simply do not get the same results without also exercising.  Plus, my metabolism at 48 is way different than it was at 28.  Go figure.

3.  The best eating plan is the one you will follow and can stick with as a part of your life.  There are lots of healthy eating plans out there.  They all work as long as you follow them.  Find the one that works for you and live it.

4.  I am more at peace when I am obedient to God's word.   Seriously y'all, I cannot stress this enough.  When I end the day knowing I gave God my best, it makes rest all the sweeter.  The fact is, because I am a follower of Christ, the choices I make are worship.  They show who I serve.  I want to make sure my life is a true reflection of who Jesus is.

So a few more days to go, then we'll see where God leads.  I'll keep ya posted!

Well, Hello there!

It is day 20 of this second round of Whole30 style eating.  Some things have been easier this time.  Knowing what to cook and experimenting with new recipes has been nice and my family has even enjoyed several recipes without too much pain and whining.  Seriously, they have adjusted well to the limits.  They are not as limited in choices as I am, but we are all eating healthier and that's nice.

I have not been as strict with myself this time.  It's really been more of a lifestyle change than a food plan.  I have still lost 12 lbs and I feel better physically - from less pain in my arthritic joints to sleeping more soundly at night and waking up feeling rested rather than rusty!  Win win.

God continues to stay close.  He lets me know when I make wrong choices, but He also shows such grace and patience.  In February, I'll add some things back into my diet but it won't be a whole lot different.  I made that mistake the last time and once you add those things back in on a regular basis, it's easy to fall away from what's healthy.  I want to be a lot more careful this time and pay closer attention to what certain foods do to my body.

I was just listening to "He's been Faithful to me" by Damaris Carbaugh and the Brooklyn Tabernacle choir.  It says so well my feelings in this second round...

"He's been faithful, faithful to me
looking back, His love and mercy I see
Oh in my heart I have questioned
even failed to believe
yet He's been faithful, faithful to me"

I'm so grateful for His never ending faithfulness...My favorite Psalm is Psalm 121

121 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.

Amen and amen...

....and now a word from my kitchen..........

Yummy smashed 'taters

5 large potatoes

almond/coconut milk (unsweetened)

clarified butter or ghee

3 (or more) strips nitrate free bacon

1 TBS minced garlic

1 chopped onion

Chives

parsley

1. peel, cut into chunks and cook potatoes in a large pot with enough water to cover the potatoes

2. While potatoes are cooking, chop garlic and onion and sauté in a little olive or coconut oil. Set aside.

3. When the potatoes are fork tender enough to mash, drain water off

4. add about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of the almond/coconut milk and a couple tablespoons clarified butter or ghee (or more if you want to- I won't judge)

5.  Using a potato masher, smash those taters up coarsely so there are some lumps

6.  Add crumbled, cooked bacon, the sautéd onions and garlic, chives and parsley (to taste and to make it pretty) - don't forget the salt and pepper!

7. Mix all together and eat it up!

Serve as a side dish to any lean meat and some steamed veggies! Oh MY!

** IF you have any leftovers, they might be a little dry but if you add some homemade Paleo ranch dressing (I love the ranch recipe from one of my favorite Paleo websites,  theclothesmakethegirl.com ) and heat it up, it will be nice and creamy and have a little 'zing' to boot! 

Round 2

"Behold, I am doing a new thing....."Isaiah 43:19a

So It's day 3 of my second round of Whole 30 type eating.  After the "feasting" season of Thanksgiving and Christmas, my body is very ready for a change.  My weight has gone up and down and up and down the last couple months, and so has my energy level.  It's time to -as we say in Tennessee - hunker down and get busy.  After 2 days back in the "30" saddle, I already have more energy at the beginning of the day, and I have to say it was not as hard falling back in line with the plan as I thought it would be.  I spent the last few days of December in prep mode.  Egg boiling, menu planning, condiment making, recipe searching, butter clarifying, you name it.  I am excited to try some new sauces and things I have found and adapting my own.

I'm grateful I had somewhat of a knowledge base in my head this time around.  It made shopping easier and it's been easier to figure out what to have for dinner, because I already have ideas from the last time.  So grateful I kept notes too, so I could go back and refer to them.  I even cleaned out my spices and organized them in a drawer - label side up of course- so I can easily see what I need without something falling on my head!  I love to cook and I love to use spices, but if I can't get to them, I am less likely to use them and the food tastes bland and I miss the mixes, prepackaged flavors and such that I definitely DON'T need.

In other news, the holidays were great and time off with the family was wonderful, but I am ready for a normal schedule again.  My little family loves a little laid back leisure, but we so much better when we have a routine.  We had the "first of the year family meeting" yesterday (my man and I had our "meeting" the day before), and talked about some goals to work on for the coming year.  Healthy eating for the whole family is one of those.  The kids were thrilled!  Okay not really but let me have my little fantasy for a minute here.  The boys take after their dad....meat and potatoes and the occasional, "What are those green things called again?" My girl though, she is like her mama and likes to try new things so I have at least one ally.

My husband wants to try out some of this plan this time too.  As a man who has lost large amounts of weight in his young adult hood, he knows the benefits of healthy eating, but he isn't totally sold on the strict nature of Whole30 just yet.  He may be able to incorporate a few changes into his routine and do just fine.  For me, Whole30 is just a good "reset" to remind my body what good food and good health feel like.  That motivates me to move forward and continue doing the right things.  That and the even bigger motivation to be the woman God wants me to be.  Above all else, I want to honor Him.

And now a word from my kitchen:

Favorite meal so far:

-olive oil in the skillet
-saute onions, peppers, mushrooms and garlic till soft then set aside
-make hamburger patties (lean - no add ins- season with salt, pepper and garlic powder), throw in skillet and cook till mostly done
-add veggies back in with meat and cover with coconut aminoes (soy sauce alternative) and a little more olive oil and simmer until the meat is cooked through and the kitchen smells heavenly.

I didn't want to go down to the basement for potatoes ( I was in the middle of several other cooking projects at the same time) so I grabbed a handful of  frozen sweet potato cubes (I buy bags of frozen cubed sweet potatoes at Fresh Market and they are the bomb diggity-no peeling - holla!)  and heated them in the microwave with a little butter (clarified) and cinnamon.

Oh Aunt Bee....it'll make your tongue slap your eyes out!

I made four patties, ate one and put three more in the fridge in a container with the veggies for quick/easy dinners over the next few days.

Turning the Page

Today is the last day of 2014 and what a year it has been. I have seen God's faithfulness in every way possible - through triumph and tragedy, loss of loved ones, adding to my extended family through adoption (I am now the oldest of 8 - my parents are incredible people), it just goes on and on. My Whole30 experience in August taught me much and reading scripture the last few months has taught me even more. Here's an update of where I am at the end of 2014:

In Exodus, God tells Moses to set aside 3 times a year for feasting and remembering His faithfulness. As I read this, I was amazed at how it lined up with life even today. I do not profess to be a bible scholar, and I hope I'm not reaching here, but I believe God showed me something important that I will not soon forget.

One time of feasting was at Passover ( for us I would think that would be Easter). The second time was at Harvest time (Thanksgiving to you and me) and then the third was at the end of their calendar year (Christmas/New Years). All of these times were about remembering what God has done, sharing it with future generations through stories and testimonies, and yes...feasting. The foods for these times (from what I can tell) had significance and/or were seasonal. I've said it before....God never intended for food to be the enemy. He meant it for nutrition and also for celebration. We are the ones who have made food the enemy. And not even just the enemy, but also our idol. Literally, the human race has a "love/hate" relationship with food! No wonder we're so out of balance! I love that the Lord keeps reminding me of this truth over and over again in different ways. He is such a patient God!

So I've been pondering and asking God to help me see what it looks like to have a proper relationship with food the way He ordained it to be. For me, this meant enjoying the holidays with my family, remembering loved ones who had passed in 2014, sharing stories and seasonal foods while sitting around a table full of some of the most precious people in the world to me. There were many moments of thanksgiving for what God has done in our family. There were tears and laughter. There were prayers and words of encouragement. There was love.

Feasting is over for awhile, so time to get back to "normal" -if there is such a thing at my house- and look toward the next year. I read a quote by Ann Voskamp this morning (y'all know how I love her) that went something like this..."Random acts of greatness pale in comparison to habitual acts of faithfulness. It's not what you do every now and then, but what you do everyday that changes everything." Ann Voskamp


I don't typically do New Year's Resolutions. I find that for me it is useless to "resolve" to do anything I might think up on my own. However as I was typing this, I remembered the words to a hymn we used to sing when I was a little girl and I looked it up. It made my heart beat a little faster as I read the lyrics and I think if I were going to make a resolution, it would go something like this (except maybe in today's vernacular though).

I am Resolved (by Palmer Hartsough, 1896)

I am resolved no longer to linger,
Charmed by the world’s delight,
Things that are higher, things that are nobler,
These have allured my sight.

Refrain

I will hasten to Him, hasten so glad and free;
Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.
I will hasten, hasten to Him, hasten so glad and free;
Jesus, Jesus, greatest, highest, I will come to Thee.

I am resolved to go to the Savior,
Leaving my sin and strife;
He is the true One, He is the just One,
He hath the words of life.

Refrain

I am resolved to follow the Savior,          (This is my favorite part!)
Faithful and true each day;
Heed what He sayeth, do what He willeth,
He is the living Way.

Refrain

I am resolved to enter the kingdom
Leaving the paths of sin;
Friends may oppose me, foes may beset me,
Still will I enter in.

Refrain

I am resolved, and who will go with me?
Come, friends, without delay,
Taught by the Bible, led by the Spirit,
We’ll walk the heav’nly way.

Refrain

Happy New Year my friends. May 2015 be a year of daily faithfulness!

So, how we doin'?

Howdy.  It's been awhile.  After the women's retreat, the flu, a trip to Atlanta for a yearly conference I attend with my church family, teen craziness, football games and band competitions, I am still standing (well, propped up is more like it)!

I am still walking this food thing out day by day.  Some good days, some not so good but learning more every day what living an obedient life looks like and doesn't.  I am learning that when I lean on my own understanding it's a train wreck, but when I depend on God for my strength, I eat healthier, I live freer and feel lighter inside and out.  Seems like a no-brainer, but for this girl it's a huge learning curve!  I am learning and experimenting more with paleo cooking, and that's been fun.  I make healthy recipes for the girls in my small group and they want me to write a cookbook.  Not sure what I'd call it, but here are some ideas...

"Bits and Pieces: making something out of nothing..."

"Odds and ends: using weird ingredients to create magic"

"Paleo imperfection:  it may look ugly, but it'll taste good..."


Who knows if I'll ever do it.  I don't measure much unless I'm baking, so it's difficult to remember  to write things down unless I do it while I'm cooking it.  That seems like an awful lot of trouble.

So...exercise. Yeah, I'm not good at that.  I was walking with a friend, but our schedules got switched around thanks to our kids and their school/work schedules.  I've tried a couple things but haven't found anything I enjoy consistently.  I know I need it, and my body craves it, but I need to pray for the "want to" because I don't have it.

Payday is Wednesday and I will re stock my "good" food.  I need to tighten up a little bit before the holidays set in.  I want to be in a good place when I start visiting family and face all the yummy temptations of the season.

God continues to be faithful to remind me of why I began this journey.  His word remains a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.  His presence is so close.  I am grateful.  I'm trying to not make this about a number on the scale but about His holiness and what He expects from me. Praise be to God that He is more concerned about the state of my heart than the number on my scale.  I don't know who if anyone still reads this, but if you do read it, thank you and keep praying!

Lost and found

I have found myself feeling a little lost this week.  Not scary lost like I think I'm going crazy.  No, just lost like life is whizzing by and spinning me around each time it passes.  My food has been pretty good considering, but I am finding that when I am tired or depressed I don't want to eat healthy.  I am still packing my food for work and that has been a life saver, but when I'm at home it is hard to make good choices sometimes.

Today I have been contemplating doing Whole30 again. At least a very close version of it for the majority of my food. I seem to do better if I don't have a lot of choices and it kind of forces me to choose the healthy options because I don't allow myself to choose anything else.  My only fear in that is I don't want this to become just another idol.  Right now you're asking yourself, "What the monkey is she talking about?"

You heard me.  Being crazy strict about what you eat and how you eat it can be just as much an addiction as eating all the unhealthy stuff.  You become afraid of food and it becomes your master just as if you were mindlessly eating string cheese and potato chips every meal.  I have been down that road too (I told you I have tried it all!) and I was in just as much bondage.  The purpose (or one of them at least) of Whole30 was to break that food addiction and not be enslaved by it any longer.  I want food to be in its proper place in my life.  I am going on a women's retreat this weekend and I hope to spend some time just asking Jesus what He wants me to do next.  If He wants me to do another Whole30 round, I want to be willing but if He says something else, I want to be willing to go that route too.  I'm in this for the long haul so whatever He says goes.

If you're reading this, I would love for you to pray for me to that end.

Letting Go

Week 2 post Whole30.  I am learning that with change comes difficult choices. Those choices may not be popular...such as no longer buying sodas for my family.  If they want a soda out at a restaurant or football game, that's fine.  I just don't need it in the house and neither do they.  Not popular, but it has been accepted.

Another choice was to allow myself a "fun food" day.  This doesn't mean going overboard or undoing all that I had done with Whole30, it just means allowing a day of rest from the regimen to enjoy a treat with my family....like at the football game or if we go to the movies or something on a weekend.  For me, if this is going to be a lifestyle and not a "diet," I need to find a balance.  It may mean that my weight loss is a little slower, but I think it will be more manageable and easier to make it a permanent life style. In Scripture, there were designated times for feasting and celebration.  It wasn't every day, but it did happen. Now, don't get me wrong....I doubt I'm going to weekly go kill a fatted calf or have dancing girls in my living room, but I think if I have popcorn at the ball game or a couple bites of candy then give the rest to my kids it will feel like a treat to me, give me something to look forward to and maybe even motivate me to work harder earlier in the week.

My weight and energy level are adjusting to the add ins and it is starting to feel more normal to eat healthy.  I am trying to exercise as well, even if I only have time for stretching or using the resistance band while I take a break from housework.  The couple pounds I gained last week as I neglected my healthy fats and added in some of the previously banned foods is coming back off and I am paying more attention. Last week was good for me as it showed me how easily it can all go backwards when I'm not planning or paying attention to what goes in my mouth.  Planning and pre packing are a must.  It has to be. No fun, but reality nonetheless.

I am understanding that Jesus has my heart and even when my choices seem odd or unpopular to others, I have to listen to Him.  He declared all foods permissible , but He also reminds us that not all are beneficial. Every day cannot be a "feast" day.  There must be balance.  I need that grace, wisdom and mercy to guide me daily.

"In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed.  In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13

I am working on a song for a retreat this weekend and I love the words.  It speaks so much to where I am at this point in the journey.  I'm grateful for creative writers and musicians who can speak my heart....

Letting Go - by Steffany Gretzinger

You've brought me to the end of myself
And this has been the longest road
just when my hallelujah was tired
you gave me a new song

now I'm letting go
falling into you

I confess I still get scared sometimes
But perfect love comes rushing in
and all the lies that screamed inside go silent
the moment You begin

now I'm letting go
falling into you

You remind me of things forgotten
You unwind me until I'm totally undone
and with Your arms around me,
fear was no match for Your love
now you've won me


Amen and Amen, Jesus. Help me to daily let go.

Keep on keepin' on

This week has been interesting.  Still eating mostly Whole30 style but adding in a few things here and there.  Super busy this week and I let my attention get sidetracked from getting enough water and healthy fats.  Plus schedule changes for both my teenagers which meant schedule changes for me and needing to rework my schedule.  I have felt discombobulated all week and it showed up on the scale this morning and in how I feel today.

Stress and failure to plan really do make a  difference.  So....time to push the reset button.

It's no accident or coincidence that this was the reading in my devotions this morning...

"Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God -- or rather are known by God -- how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces?  Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?" Galatians 4:8-9

Jesus, I am so glad that I am known by You.  Help me to pay attention and not rest on the results of the last 30 days.  The journey is just beginning and I need to keep my eyes on You. Help me look at my schedule through Your filter and make choices based on what is Your truth for me.

New revelations

As I am "gently" adding things back into my diet, I am learning some things.  Primarily, I am learning that my life is changing from something very unhealthy to something fresh and life giving.  I have tried a few things, but my body isn't happy with some of them.  I think dairy is a big culprit.  Y'all know how I love me some cheese, but I'm realizing that it's going to have to be a rare treat and not an everyday occurrence.

I seem to do okay with wheat bread, but I am limiting myself there (1 slice a day) because bread is too easily a trigger.  I am choosing the healthier variety...whole grain, no secret unreadable ingredients or anything yucky.  It's not what I would've consumed before, but I knew when my 30 days were over, I would need to change my tastebuds for healthier options even when it comes to bread.

So as I learn, I listen to what God tells me and make plans for each day.  His ways are better.

With fall on the horizon, I already miss the loss of the fresh summer fruit and veggies, but I have put a few things in the freezer and look forward to soups and stews and all things pumpkin.  There's more than one way to eat a veggie....right?

beyond the boundaries

Today was my first day of "life after Whole30".  I stressed so much about how to add things back in, I decided to "not decide."  When I spoke to Pam at church later, she had decided the same thing.  Love that!  I woke up this morning and just chose to let the day go as it went.  I had bacon for breakfast (nitrate free of course) and then I decided to have a brownie I had put away for myself after making them for the kids last night (don't you dare judge me).  I think I just wanted to get the first food experience over with.  I expected this to be the best brownie in the history of brownies after not having sweets for the last month....and I do love me some brownies....but you know what?  It was okay, but it wasn't as sweet as I expected and there was no little chocolate flavor explosion in my mouth.  I walked away from that saying to myself, "Self, okay, now you've done it.  The first one is over and it did not live up to the hype.  Let it go and go on with your day."

I went to church but didn't partake in the pizza they were having for lunch, I just hung out with my friends and worshipped and answered questions because people have been reading the blog now that I put it on Facebook.  It's hard knowing that the whole Facebook world knows and is watching, but that's okay too.  If my experience can help someone else get closer to Jesus and get closer to better health it's totally worth a little exposure on my part.  Can't believe I'm saying that.  Oddly enough, the message today was about making good choices.  Thanks God...You knew I'd need that today.

Made some yummy chicken salad for lunch and ate it on romaine leaves.  My "add in" was craisins and a hand full of walnuts (which aren't that bad, but I hadn't had any for 30 days so it feels like a treat).  It was so good I had more for dinner;0)  Then it was a peach with some cinnamon sprinkled on it and warmed in the microwave for dessert and I was good for the day.  All in all, not a bad first day beyond the boundaries.

So here's the chicken salad recipe and why it's good for you...

Shredded rotisserie chicken that I'd made yesterday in the crockpot (recipe is online all over the place) - protein source
paleo mayonnaise (theclothesmakethegirl) - healthy fat in the olive oil mayo and more protein
shredded carrots - veggies...
chopped red peppers - more veggies
onion powder (I had no fresh onions) - the taste without the tears - hello.
handful of chopped walnuts - more protein
handful of craisins - a little sweet for my chicken meat.  It was fun to add that in there and not worry about breaking some rule.

There are no measurements because I made it up and really everything is measured to the taste and texture you like.  I threw the first 5 ingredients in a food processor and chopped it up nice and fine then added a little more mayo ( it looked dry) and mixed in the walnuts and craisins.  Smeared it on some big romaine lettuce leaves and it was mighty tasty.

Jesus is so good to me.  I got to sing at Celebrate Recovery tonight before my friend Rachel gave her testimony.  The song she requested?  "Never Once" by Matt Redman...perfect for her story -- and mine.

"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Day 30!!!!!!!

Well, it's day 30!  Today has been a great day. Sleeping late (8am), homemade condiment making,  Lunch pre-packing, errand running, dinner date with my man  AND  a new crockpot cookbook...aaaaah he speaks my love language!

So...this is a little evaluation of my Whole30 journey:

Physically:

1. I lost 21 pounds
2.  I sleep better (through the night now except when my 48 year old bladder beckons, and then I can go right back to sleep)
3. My joints don't ache as much (cold rainy days are still not fun, but I feel so much better on a daily basis!)
4. I have been able to get into clothes I haven't been able to wear in a long time
5.  I have way more energy
6.  I have only had one small headache in 30 days when I typically have at least one a week
7. My tastebuds have changed.  I crave fruit.  Let me say that again...I CRAVE FRUIT!

Mentally:

1.  I no longer feel that I need junk food to get me through a rough day
2.  I choose to eat healthy food  not because I don't like junk food anymore - because I do  - I think.  I haven't had any, so I'm not sure if it's all in my head or if I really do still like it.  I choose to eat healthy food because it is what best fuels my body to do the things God has called me to do.  I cannot say I won't ever eat a brownie or pizza slice again, but I think I can say it will not be a daily occurrence nor make up the majority of my meals.
3.  Healthy fat is not an oxymoron.  It is essential to my good health and to weight loss

Spiritually:

1.  Food is not my friend.  Jesus is.
2.  Food is only able to make me feel good for awhile.  God's comfort lasts forever.
3.  No food tastes as good as obedience feels.
4. I worship differently because I no longer feel I am trying to worship "in spite of" but "because of".
5. God means for us to live in community with people, not hide from them.

I am grateful for many people who have held up my arms and daily lifted my name to Jesus throughout this journey.  This journey is not over, it is just changing form and moving forward to a new adventure.  God is not done with me yet.  I am sure.  I probably will not blog every day now, but I will try to check in often because I believe God wants me to keep sharing what He's doing.  All glory to HIM.

Day 29

We are at day 29.  Today was payday and grocery day, so I went and stocked up on what we needed.  As I walked the aisles, I thought, "I'll be able to eat that (insert something dairy, soy, bread, sweet) after tomorrow."  Funny thing is, even with most of the restrictions coming to an end, I bought way more healthy food than I would have before.  Mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meats.  Fridays are usually "fun food" nights so I made hamburgers and hotdogs before everyone went their separate ways for the evening (it is Friday after all).  The kids enjoyed theirs on buns with cheese and stuff.  My burger was minus the bun and cheese, but had yummy garden fresh tomato slices from a friend's garden, homemade ketchup, a little mustard and wrapped up nicely in a couple of romaine leaves.  It was yummy.  Next time I might add a slice or two of avocado as well.

It was Middle school night at Funquest so I took Nate there while Tracy took Ben to a high school band meeting and Anna hung out at home after her dance classes.  While I was at Funquest I found a relatively quiet corner in the snack bar area and sat down to read a magazine when a lady I have known since Nate was in preschool with her daughter came and sat down across from me.  Thrilled to  have found one of the few quiet corners in the building, we struck up a conversation and I was able to share with her about Whole30 and a little of my journey with God.  She said she was really encouraged by it and wrote down the websites.  She is doing something similar, but wanted to find some new recipes.  I find that I really enjoy talking about this journey now.  It still strikes a fearful chord when I think about the next phase, but I really believe God is in control of it all -- I just need to be obedient and relentless.

I made mayo and Ranch salad dressing after I got home, and took out the chicken I had placed in the crockpot.  I had found a recipe for rotisserie chicken in the crockpot so I tried it.  I tried a piece and it was really good. Looking forward to that tomorrow in my salads and such.  Now, I'm just simmering the broth in the crock pot overnight so I can put up some homemade chicken broth for soup and stuff later. I was going to make ketchup and  bbq sauce tonight but my energy has left the building so I'm done for the night and ready for my bed.  Ketchup will happen another day;0)

Day 28

I just came home from a friend's house who has decided to do Whole30.  I made her a care package with some of my favorite Whole30 essentials.  It is exciting to be a part of someone's journey and to know that she's going to feel so much better physically, mentally and spiritually as she lets God lead her.  I can't wait to see what God does!

Last night, I was meeting with a young lady and going through the pieces of armor listed in Ephesians 6.  We identified each one and talked about what their purpose is....what body part(s) each protects.  I loved watching her "get it" and see lights come on that helped illuminate areas God is working on in her.

 Yay God!  Thank you for being the light that shines in darkness and exposes our rough places so we can be changed by your holy spirit. As painful as it was for God to expose my sin with food and to scrub my spirit with His, I am so grateful for even the painful moments.  Those moments when everything feels raw and I know I cannot make it without letting Him remove the junk from my heart.  It makes me think of a song I heard once about God's love like a river washing over...smoothing the rough edges of us.

 I had forgotten how beautiful the words are. So perfect for where I am right now.  I just want to be smoothed by the water of the holy spirit.  Rough edges gone.  Worn away by the pure water of Jesus.

Maybe you have some rough edges that need smoothing? Give a listen....

http://youtu.be/ihIkPXTpmjw

Day 27

My friend Toni asked me this morning what I've learned about food while on this journey.  I think there are several things ...

1. The term "healthy fat" is not an oxymoron.  For so many years I would diet by cutting out all the fat only to spend much of my time starving and then giving up.

2. We were created to crave God, not food (Thank you Lysa TerKeurst).  Food is only supposed to fuel us.  Not fill us. Only God can really do that.  I have experienced that in the last 30 days.

3.  Eating healthy does not have to be synonymous with "blah".

4. Water is important.  For real.


5.  Boiled eggs and avocados are now a staple.

Day 26

4 days left.  As I sit here and look at the leftover cupcakes from my son's birthday party, I'm grateful I didn't eat one Sunday, but I'd be lying if I said they don't look tempting. People have asked me today what I will do when the 30 days is over.  I say I don't know.  I say I will likely add things back gently but not be where I was before. I say I'm nervous about it.  I say I know God will help me.  I walk away and pray that I will still believe what I'm saying in 4 days.  I am so grateful for the text messages I get that say, "praying for you! Finish strong!"  I am grateful for scripture that reminds me that God sees me and is watching over me.  I will finish strong because it is HIS strength in me.

I just went back to the Whole30 website and it actually gives you an example of how to add things back into your diet.  That will be helpful.  They take 10 days to reintroduce things back in slowly and be able to evaluate what is okay for your body and what is not.  

Jesus, please help me keep your heart at the forefront of all this.  When I am alone and faced with temptation, I need to remember what Your word says, " But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love," Psalm 33:18  I wrote that verse on a post it note and stuck it to my fridge this morning.

Day 25

Woke up feeling icky this morning.  Ate a healthy breakfast, but then began really feeling sick to my stomach.  Spent a lot of time in...shall we say...confinement.  Not sure what that was all about.  The only thing I did that was out of the ordinary was eat a salad (without dressing) at a restaurant the night before.  Hmmm. Weird.  Anyway, after some homemade vegetable soup and some rest, I felt much better.  Wondering if this is a foreshadowing of things to come.  I only have a few more days left.  I will need to be careful what I re-introduce and how much.

For dinner, I made a BL(A)T (no bread).  Nitrate free bacon, chopped tomatoes, avocado slices wrapped up in a romaine leaf.  I have to really watch out for bacon because it's so easy to eat "just one more piece."  I had more than I should - it was the good kind and Whole30 approved, but as I keep learning - too much good food is still too much..  Thankfully, because of the aforementioned illness, I had not eaten very much so I didn't walk away too full, just aware that I need to be more careful.