beyond the boundaries

Today was my first day of "life after Whole30".  I stressed so much about how to add things back in, I decided to "not decide."  When I spoke to Pam at church later, she had decided the same thing.  Love that!  I woke up this morning and just chose to let the day go as it went.  I had bacon for breakfast (nitrate free of course) and then I decided to have a brownie I had put away for myself after making them for the kids last night (don't you dare judge me).  I think I just wanted to get the first food experience over with.  I expected this to be the best brownie in the history of brownies after not having sweets for the last month....and I do love me some brownies....but you know what?  It was okay, but it wasn't as sweet as I expected and there was no little chocolate flavor explosion in my mouth.  I walked away from that saying to myself, "Self, okay, now you've done it.  The first one is over and it did not live up to the hype.  Let it go and go on with your day."

I went to church but didn't partake in the pizza they were having for lunch, I just hung out with my friends and worshipped and answered questions because people have been reading the blog now that I put it on Facebook.  It's hard knowing that the whole Facebook world knows and is watching, but that's okay too.  If my experience can help someone else get closer to Jesus and get closer to better health it's totally worth a little exposure on my part.  Can't believe I'm saying that.  Oddly enough, the message today was about making good choices.  Thanks God...You knew I'd need that today.

Made some yummy chicken salad for lunch and ate it on romaine leaves.  My "add in" was craisins and a hand full of walnuts (which aren't that bad, but I hadn't had any for 30 days so it feels like a treat).  It was so good I had more for dinner;0)  Then it was a peach with some cinnamon sprinkled on it and warmed in the microwave for dessert and I was good for the day.  All in all, not a bad first day beyond the boundaries.

So here's the chicken salad recipe and why it's good for you...

Shredded rotisserie chicken that I'd made yesterday in the crockpot (recipe is online all over the place) - protein source
paleo mayonnaise (theclothesmakethegirl) - healthy fat in the olive oil mayo and more protein
shredded carrots - veggies...
chopped red peppers - more veggies
onion powder (I had no fresh onions) - the taste without the tears - hello.
handful of chopped walnuts - more protein
handful of craisins - a little sweet for my chicken meat.  It was fun to add that in there and not worry about breaking some rule.

There are no measurements because I made it up and really everything is measured to the taste and texture you like.  I threw the first 5 ingredients in a food processor and chopped it up nice and fine then added a little more mayo ( it looked dry) and mixed in the walnuts and craisins.  Smeared it on some big romaine lettuce leaves and it was mighty tasty.

Jesus is so good to me.  I got to sing at Celebrate Recovery tonight before my friend Rachel gave her testimony.  The song she requested?  "Never Once" by Matt Redman...perfect for her story -- and mine.

"Never Once"

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we’ve come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground

Seeing just how much You’ve done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walk alone

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Day 30!!!!!!!

Well, it's day 30!  Today has been a great day. Sleeping late (8am), homemade condiment making,  Lunch pre-packing, errand running, dinner date with my man  AND  a new crockpot cookbook...aaaaah he speaks my love language!

So...this is a little evaluation of my Whole30 journey:

Physically:

1. I lost 21 pounds
2.  I sleep better (through the night now except when my 48 year old bladder beckons, and then I can go right back to sleep)
3. My joints don't ache as much (cold rainy days are still not fun, but I feel so much better on a daily basis!)
4. I have been able to get into clothes I haven't been able to wear in a long time
5.  I have way more energy
6.  I have only had one small headache in 30 days when I typically have at least one a week
7. My tastebuds have changed.  I crave fruit.  Let me say that again...I CRAVE FRUIT!

Mentally:

1.  I no longer feel that I need junk food to get me through a rough day
2.  I choose to eat healthy food  not because I don't like junk food anymore - because I do  - I think.  I haven't had any, so I'm not sure if it's all in my head or if I really do still like it.  I choose to eat healthy food because it is what best fuels my body to do the things God has called me to do.  I cannot say I won't ever eat a brownie or pizza slice again, but I think I can say it will not be a daily occurrence nor make up the majority of my meals.
3.  Healthy fat is not an oxymoron.  It is essential to my good health and to weight loss

Spiritually:

1.  Food is not my friend.  Jesus is.
2.  Food is only able to make me feel good for awhile.  God's comfort lasts forever.
3.  No food tastes as good as obedience feels.
4. I worship differently because I no longer feel I am trying to worship "in spite of" but "because of".
5. God means for us to live in community with people, not hide from them.

I am grateful for many people who have held up my arms and daily lifted my name to Jesus throughout this journey.  This journey is not over, it is just changing form and moving forward to a new adventure.  God is not done with me yet.  I am sure.  I probably will not blog every day now, but I will try to check in often because I believe God wants me to keep sharing what He's doing.  All glory to HIM.

Day 29

We are at day 29.  Today was payday and grocery day, so I went and stocked up on what we needed.  As I walked the aisles, I thought, "I'll be able to eat that (insert something dairy, soy, bread, sweet) after tomorrow."  Funny thing is, even with most of the restrictions coming to an end, I bought way more healthy food than I would have before.  Mostly fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meats.  Fridays are usually "fun food" nights so I made hamburgers and hotdogs before everyone went their separate ways for the evening (it is Friday after all).  The kids enjoyed theirs on buns with cheese and stuff.  My burger was minus the bun and cheese, but had yummy garden fresh tomato slices from a friend's garden, homemade ketchup, a little mustard and wrapped up nicely in a couple of romaine leaves.  It was yummy.  Next time I might add a slice or two of avocado as well.

It was Middle school night at Funquest so I took Nate there while Tracy took Ben to a high school band meeting and Anna hung out at home after her dance classes.  While I was at Funquest I found a relatively quiet corner in the snack bar area and sat down to read a magazine when a lady I have known since Nate was in preschool with her daughter came and sat down across from me.  Thrilled to  have found one of the few quiet corners in the building, we struck up a conversation and I was able to share with her about Whole30 and a little of my journey with God.  She said she was really encouraged by it and wrote down the websites.  She is doing something similar, but wanted to find some new recipes.  I find that I really enjoy talking about this journey now.  It still strikes a fearful chord when I think about the next phase, but I really believe God is in control of it all -- I just need to be obedient and relentless.

I made mayo and Ranch salad dressing after I got home, and took out the chicken I had placed in the crockpot.  I had found a recipe for rotisserie chicken in the crockpot so I tried it.  I tried a piece and it was really good. Looking forward to that tomorrow in my salads and such.  Now, I'm just simmering the broth in the crock pot overnight so I can put up some homemade chicken broth for soup and stuff later. I was going to make ketchup and  bbq sauce tonight but my energy has left the building so I'm done for the night and ready for my bed.  Ketchup will happen another day;0)

Day 28

I just came home from a friend's house who has decided to do Whole30.  I made her a care package with some of my favorite Whole30 essentials.  It is exciting to be a part of someone's journey and to know that she's going to feel so much better physically, mentally and spiritually as she lets God lead her.  I can't wait to see what God does!

Last night, I was meeting with a young lady and going through the pieces of armor listed in Ephesians 6.  We identified each one and talked about what their purpose is....what body part(s) each protects.  I loved watching her "get it" and see lights come on that helped illuminate areas God is working on in her.

 Yay God!  Thank you for being the light that shines in darkness and exposes our rough places so we can be changed by your holy spirit. As painful as it was for God to expose my sin with food and to scrub my spirit with His, I am so grateful for even the painful moments.  Those moments when everything feels raw and I know I cannot make it without letting Him remove the junk from my heart.  It makes me think of a song I heard once about God's love like a river washing over...smoothing the rough edges of us.

 I had forgotten how beautiful the words are. So perfect for where I am right now.  I just want to be smoothed by the water of the holy spirit.  Rough edges gone.  Worn away by the pure water of Jesus.

Maybe you have some rough edges that need smoothing? Give a listen....

http://youtu.be/ihIkPXTpmjw

Day 27

My friend Toni asked me this morning what I've learned about food while on this journey.  I think there are several things ...

1. The term "healthy fat" is not an oxymoron.  For so many years I would diet by cutting out all the fat only to spend much of my time starving and then giving up.

2. We were created to crave God, not food (Thank you Lysa TerKeurst).  Food is only supposed to fuel us.  Not fill us. Only God can really do that.  I have experienced that in the last 30 days.

3.  Eating healthy does not have to be synonymous with "blah".

4. Water is important.  For real.


5.  Boiled eggs and avocados are now a staple.

Day 26

4 days left.  As I sit here and look at the leftover cupcakes from my son's birthday party, I'm grateful I didn't eat one Sunday, but I'd be lying if I said they don't look tempting. People have asked me today what I will do when the 30 days is over.  I say I don't know.  I say I will likely add things back gently but not be where I was before. I say I'm nervous about it.  I say I know God will help me.  I walk away and pray that I will still believe what I'm saying in 4 days.  I am so grateful for the text messages I get that say, "praying for you! Finish strong!"  I am grateful for scripture that reminds me that God sees me and is watching over me.  I will finish strong because it is HIS strength in me.

I just went back to the Whole30 website and it actually gives you an example of how to add things back into your diet.  That will be helpful.  They take 10 days to reintroduce things back in slowly and be able to evaluate what is okay for your body and what is not.  

Jesus, please help me keep your heart at the forefront of all this.  When I am alone and faced with temptation, I need to remember what Your word says, " But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear Him, on those whose hope is in His unfailing love," Psalm 33:18  I wrote that verse on a post it note and stuck it to my fridge this morning.

Day 25

Woke up feeling icky this morning.  Ate a healthy breakfast, but then began really feeling sick to my stomach.  Spent a lot of time in...shall we say...confinement.  Not sure what that was all about.  The only thing I did that was out of the ordinary was eat a salad (without dressing) at a restaurant the night before.  Hmmm. Weird.  Anyway, after some homemade vegetable soup and some rest, I felt much better.  Wondering if this is a foreshadowing of things to come.  I only have a few more days left.  I will need to be careful what I re-introduce and how much.

For dinner, I made a BL(A)T (no bread).  Nitrate free bacon, chopped tomatoes, avocado slices wrapped up in a romaine leaf.  I have to really watch out for bacon because it's so easy to eat "just one more piece."  I had more than I should - it was the good kind and Whole30 approved, but as I keep learning - too much good food is still too much..  Thankfully, because of the aforementioned illness, I had not eaten very much so I didn't walk away too full, just aware that I need to be more careful.

Day 24

The message this weekend was about Community.  Jeremy preached about Moses and how the Israelites were at war and as long as Moses held up his staff, they won, but if his hands started to slip and his arms started coming down, the Israelites would begin losing.  At his point of weariness, two people - one on either side-came and held up his arms for him.  They won that battle because Moses and his buddies were obedient and because they took care of one another.

I need to stop at this point and talk about my community.  Since before this journey began, my friends have been praying for me, encouraging me, texting me scripture, emailing recipes etc.  I have not been alone at all.  Jesus has been with me and very close and I have been loved greatly by Him and by my Jesus family.  They have held up my arms when I have felt like quitting.  They have prayed extra hard on days I was struggling.  They have encouraged me to keep going and to greater obedience.

Lord, I am grateful that You never expected us to live this life alone.  You designed community after your self - Father, Son and Spirit.  Thank you for the example of community you have provided for us.  May I never forget that "Two are better than one" Ecclesiastes goodness for ya!

Challenge today:  Took my son and 5 other boys to watch Captain America and then went out for pizza.  I had a salad with no dressing and some water.  Needless to say, I came home hungry.  Thankful for leftovers.  Everyone had a great time and now I am pooped. My pillow and I have a date so I'm gonna go get ready for it.

Day 23

There are 7 days left in this challenge.  One week.  I'm almost sad it's over because having the boundaries has been good for me.  I know it's time for me to live differently - and not just for a month.

Tonight at the Saturday night service, we sang a song that we've sung a thousand times but tonight I was able to sing it from a different place.  The chorus says, "Now all I am, I lay at Your feet. I'm humbled by the wonder of your majesty.  One thing I know, I have all I need in Your unending love"

As I was singing, I realized that I can sing this in real ways I could not before. I can say with a new integrity that I am laying everything in my life down at God's feet and humbly admitting my need for His majesty to take precedence in my life.  Everything I need is found in Him.  Not food, not my own strength. I walked off stage in tears of thankfulness and needed to take a moment and just thank God for what He's done.

There's no other feeling like that.

Day 22

You know how on The Biggest Loser they will sometimes lock contestants up in a room full of the fattening food they use to eat and then challenge them not to eat it....or they CAN eat it and try to win a 2 pound advantage based on how many calories they eat or some such nonsense?  Bob Harper always gets mad at his team members who choose to eat because they are sabotaging their hard work for something that is not guaranteed.

Tonight, I felt very much like I was in one of those rooms.  I spent 3 hours working in a football concession stand and handled soda, hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, chips, candy, you name it.  They even had Chick Fil A sandwiches--Have mercy!  Obviously, I was too busy to eat anything, but man I could smell it. Then, at the end when we were cleaning up, one of the other ladies said, "you can take a couple Chick Fil A sandwiches if you want.  There's a lot left over."  I had decided to take enough for my family but not myself, but the more I thought about it, I realized those sandwiches might not make it home.  I was very tired from working today then doing concessions tonight, and by the time we closed, I was really hungry.  I chose to not take those yummy things home - sorry family.  What you don't know won't hurt me.

So, I felt like I won that challenge (Bob would be proud).  Thank you Jesus for reminding me that nothing tastes as good as freedom feels.

"Your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it,' whenever you turn to the right or to the left." Isaiah 30:21

I am so grateful for God's guidance through this whole adventure.  He really does help me make decisions.  I could never do this on my own.

Day 21

They say it takes 21 days to change a habit.  Hmmm, let's see. 21 days without sugar, bread, dairy, soy or peanuts. 24 days without caffeine or soda of any kind.  I wish I could say I don't miss any of those things, but I cannot.  What I can say is that now I know I don't "need" those things in order to have my hunger satisfied or some emotional need fulfilled.  And actually even if I reintroduce some of those things in my regular diet at the end of the 30 days, it won't be like it was.  It can't be. That would be tragic on many levels.

I don't want to go back to feeling like I've been hit by a train every day of my life.  I don't want to go back to not being able to be fully awake until after I've loaded up on caffeine and carbs.  I like the peaceful feeling I have when I eat healthy because I know I am doing something for myself, my family, and my Jesus.

People are starting to notice my weight loss and there have been a few times when I've had a little panic moment of , "Danger, Will Robinson....time to cut bait and run before you blow this thing in front of everyone!"  Thankfully, God has been with me in those moments.  Reminding me of the truth of why I took this journey to begin with.  He is so good at filling up the empty places.

I was just thinking a moment ago that I think this will really sink in as a lifestyle change for me once the 30 days are over and I am still choosing to make the good choices. I look forward to that day, but I am also a little apprehensive.  I have to trust scripture.  I have to believe that He who began this work in me will complete it. (Phil. 1:6)

Day 20

"If I were still pleasing men I would not be a servant of God." Galatians 1:10

 Your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. And you will defile your graven images overlaid with silver, and your molten images plated with gold. You will scatter them as an impure thing, and say to [them, “Be gone!” Isaiah 30:21-22

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?Run in such a way that you may win. 25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; 27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

For the Lord God helps Me,
Therefore, I am not disgraced;
Therefore, I have set My face like flint,
And I know that I will not be ashamed.  Isaiah 50:7

That is all. That is enough.

Day 19

So I was in a meeting today with several other women who make up the Women's Leadership Team.  We meet each week to pray and plan for the upcoming Women's retreat especially designed for women who lead women.  The table was full of ladies I deeply respect and as we were going around giving prayer requests from our various areas of ministry, I felt God tugging at my heart to share about this journey with them.  Didn't want to do it.  Nope I didn't.  I could feel my emotions rising to the top and sure enough, once I opened my mouth the tears began to flow and I told them (a Reader's Digest version) a little of this journey and asked for prayer to finish well.  They prayed for me and one of the ladies told me God had been dealing with her as well and it was an encouragement to hear me share.  That, my friends, is a total God thing 'cause if I'd had my druthers, these lips woulda stayed shut up tight like the walls of Jericho before Joshua marched around that thing.

New taste sensations today: Dinner was grilled steak, a baked potato with clarified butter and bacon wrapped asparagus. Can we all just rest on that deliciousness for a moment? Here's the kicker: That's what I fed my family -- not just me.  The only difference for them was some green beans for the youngest (because vegetables=green beans to that kid; the rest he has no use for), and some mac and cheese (because they're not ready to go cold turkey healthy just yet).  Everyone left the table satisfied and I only cooked one meal. I can live with that;0)  I also made my own ketchup today.  Healthy and yummy.

Reading Galatians 1:6-9 today had Paul telling the church of Galatia that he could not believe how some of them had started following a "different" gospel other than the gospel of Christ.  He reminded them that there really is no other gospel.  As I let that soak in for a bit, I realized how easy it is to deviate from the one true gospel even in this journey.  It's super easy to be all about how much weight I'm losing or "oh my gosh I can't believe I used to eat all that at one time or hey these jeans didn't fit last week!"  I am having to be very vigilant to keep the right perspective here.  The gospel I am following isn't about my weight, it's about being obedient to the one who gave up everything for me.  I don't want this thing to be about me although I am having to share things about myself all the time now.  I want however, the last thing people hear to be, "Jesus is worth every moment of this thing.  He is why it's working.  He is my strength.  He is my confident hope. He can do it for you too."

Day 18

Faced a new temptation tonight. My daughter and her girlfriends needed transportation to the movies and out for frozen yogurt, so I went along (chose my own movie though - I'm not crazy).  When we got to the yogurt place, I looked at all the options.  There were no concoctions I could have on this plan.  I was about to resign myself to only a bottled water when I noticed fresh fruit on the topping bar.  After asking the attendant if they did anything or added anything to their fruit and getting the assurance that it was just fresh cut up fruit, I took a yogurt cup and put in strawberries, blueberries, kiwi and pineapple and sat and enjoyed my fruit while the girls chattered on about this boy and that time when we said this funny thing...  Did I want yogurt?  heck to tha yeah.  The enemy has been working on me today as I baked things for my kids lunches for the week and worked in my kitchen basically all morning and part of the afternoon. But I am excited and grateful to Jesus that I did not even taste the cookie batter or snitch a chocolate chip or lick the pumpkin muffin batter bowl.   That was all Him because it was smelling good up in my house.  I ate chili with no beans for lunch and
  nitrate free turkey roll ups with some of my guacamole dressing on them.  yum!

I made (theclothesmakethegirl) beef curry for dinner and it was yummy.  Very filing and light on the curry, so I loved it.

That's all for tonight except to say Thank You Jesus for being so good to me.

Day 17

It was small group night tonight and it was so fun to be able to share what God has been doing in me over the last month since we last met.  I love those girls. Truly.

New taste sensations today.  My sweet friend Nancy brought me some cauliflower tabbouleh.  It was good but super spicy. She is so sweet to make special things for me.  I love that she is for me and wants to help me on this journey.

Another taste sensation I created myself.  I took the paleo mayo I made and added some lemon juice, minced garlic and onion, red pepper flakes, paprika, cumin and chili powder and created a paleo "fiesta ranch" dip.  Then I thought "I'll bet avocado would be good in this."  I cut up an avocado and threw that plus a handful of cherry tomatoes and a drizzle of olive oil into the food processor.  I chopped that thing up till it was creamy/lumpy, then added the ranch dip and blended it until it was smooth.  It made what I called "Guacamole ranch dip".  I took it to small group with a bunch of cut up veggies and it went over really well!  It felt very decadent but was very healthy!

So good to enjoy healthy food.

Day 16

I got a full 8 hours of sleep last night and it was so welcome!  I woke up ready to meet the day.  I ate a good breakfast and headed off to get some things done.  This afternoon was a band family meet and greet cookout at the park so I went and took the children.  Tracy was serving at Blue Ridge tonight, so sadly, we went without him.  There was the usual cook out fare...hot dogs, macaroni and potato salad, desserts....you know the drill.  I brought a container with some roast chicken, avocado and raw veggies and a small container of sliced peaches.  I wanted chips, but didn't give in to the craving.  I was sitting at a table with another Blue Ridger who has 2 kids in the band and he asked about my food.  I was able to tell him just a little about what I'm doing and he said, "Good for you!"  His wife, I discovered was a lifetime weight watchers leader and had lost over 100lbs.  I felt like God put me at that table where I would feel at home and not weird for being different.  Love Him for that! One cool thing I discovered was that I was not as winded walking back and forth to the car. Even carrying stuff.  That was a pleasant discovery!

After we got home, I was hungry so I ate a little more chicken.  I wanted fruit, but I had already had the peaches and I knew it was wiser to go for the protein  so I wouldn't need something before bedtime.  I got online and looked at new recipes and found a gem.  Paleo Ranch dressing.  I've been making my own oil/vinegar/spices dressing for 2 weeks and boy was I glad to find something else!  I made a small portion of the dressing and tried a little on a couple carrot slices. Boy was it good!  I'm actually excited about lunch tomorrow so I can put it on my salad!  I love it that I have found something new that only has things I can eat in it.  It's like a double blessing!

The past couple days I have been reading about Abram and his relationship with God.  There is one statement that keeps flowing through my mind today, "And Abram BELIEVED God and it was counted to him as righteousness."  I have asked myself today, "Self, do you believe God will help you crush this idol into powder once and for all?"  I answer myself like the man did Jesus in the New Testament, "I believe, Lord help my unbelief!"  In my heart I believe it.  My body is getting closer to believing it as I continue to be obedient.  Yet, there is this little fear that creeps up every now and then that says, "when this 30 days is over, you're going to go right back to where you were."  Sometimes that voice is so loud I want to cover my ears and crawl in my bed and never come out.  But everyday, I get up outa that bed.  I make the good choices God wants me to make and I fill my mind with His word.  That's the only way to silence the enemy's voice - to drown it out with God's.  His voice has to be louder.  Sometimes when I feel myself weakening under a craving or desire to quit, I go back and read Isaiah 30 or some of the scriptures people have been encouraging me with and it gives me the strength to keep going.  This journey may change somewhat in a couple weeks, but it will still be the same goal: To crush the idol of food and glorify God with my body.   It is ONLY by HIS strength that this is gonna happen so I have to cling to His word and believe Him.  Not just believe IN Him, but truly believe Him and everything that His word says.

Day 15

Sing it with me..."OOOOOH, we're halfway there...whoa livin' on a prayer..."  It's day 15 people!  I cannot believe I'm halfway through this Whole30 journey.  What a journey it's already been, and how much more do I have to learn? A lot I suspect - God never does anything halfway.

I went out to lunch with my husband today.  He let me choose the place so I chose Subway and got a big chopped salad with all my favorite veggies and grilled chicken on it.  I brought my own dressing (homemade italian-yum) and it was really good.  Then I spent the afternoon grocery shopping and errand running.  It felt good to buy new veggies and to get some ideas for new recipes as I walked through the store.

 I read a lot of labels now. It's blowing my mind how many things have soy as an ingredient.  I picked up a box of flavored green tea and guess what it had in it? SOY! What the monkey?  and it wasn't one of those disclaimers at the bottom that says: "MAY have come in contact with traces of soy" that keeps them out of court with highly allergic people.  It was one of the main ingredients!  Wowzers.  Who knew?

I treated myself to a healthy dessert tonight.  I am limiting fruit per the Whole30 way, but for fun on this Friday night, I took a peach and sliced it in half.  Removed the pit and sliced up the peach and tossed it with a little clarified butter and some cinnamon and popped it in the microwave for 1 minute.  It was a daggone little party in my mouth!  I have a friend who does this on the grill (sans butter) and I think she might add nuts to hers.  I'll have to try that next time I am treating myself to fruit (did I just say TREATING myself to FRUIT? WHAAAAAT? I do not even know myself anymore!!!)

My favorite part of today was sitting at lunch with my man answering his questions about how this thing is going and how do I feel and then him saying how proud he is of me and that he sees me working so hard to stick with this and still feed the family.  Those words were huge for me.  He has watched me fail at this thing so many times but I know he is in my corner this go round.  I also have moments when I really think I can feel God's pleasure at my choices.  That means more than anything.

The temptations are EVERYWHERE.  But each time I don't lick that spoon after putting away the leftover mac and cheese; each time I turn down one of my kids' offers to share something with me...fries, candy, etc....I get this twinge in my heart and I know it's God saying, "atta girl.  One more step of obedience. That macaroni doesn't love you like I do!"  I know it sounds silly to think of it that way, but when you've gone to food for your comfort for over 40 years, it starts feeling like a friend rather than a fuel.  Food is NOT my friend.  Jesus is my friend and overindulging in time with Him will not leave me feeling shameful and lacking.  "The Lord is my shepherd.  I shall not want." Psalm 23:1.  

My goal for this next week is to incorporate more of my healthy recipes into the mainstream family meals.  I've made small changes for them (without their knowledge), but I'm going to try some new things on them and see how it goes.  Keep praying!

Day 14

"So teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12

Number our days.  Not like how I'm numbering the days in this blog, day 1, day 2, day.... But number our days by making them count for something bigger than ourselves.   I am realizing that this journey is so not even about food - although that is the catalyst God is using to work on my heart.  I am learning that this is a journey about obedience, trust, and endurance.  I am understanding that doing this plan for 30 days will only have good result if at the end of it I can present a heart of wisdom and obedience to Jesus.  Otherwise, it's just another diet.  Just another eating plan to create a "life change."  It isn't the plan that creates the life change.  It is submission to the One who created my life to begin with.  It's not about bargaining, like, "I can have extra (insert food item here) and just not have as much later and it will all even out."  That may sound good and even wise on one hand, but on the other hand it's just saying, "Well, I really want more than I need of this stuff, but if I sin by being a glutton, I'll just pray (or starve myself, or exercise)  harder later to make up for it."  Ouch.

Part of why other plans/diets/life change projects/ have failed is that all that consumed my thoughts was food.  What I could eat.  How many calories/points/carbs/sugar grams  does THAT food have and can I mix this food with that food and not destroy what I've started.  I felt like it was a constant throbbing in my head and inevitably I would get to the saturation point and give up.  So how, you may ask, is this time different?  I'm still thinking about details...is this nitrate free? Was this made with soy or some hidden sugar I'm unaware of?   Now, however, those details are just that - details.  In my heart,  I am consumed with "am I honoring God with my body? Am I choosing and believing that God is my portion - my enough?"

I want to make my days count for Him. NO. I CHOOSE to make my days count for Him.  That means that whether I am helping someone walk through a difficult time, telling someone about Jesus, or exercising self-control in what and how much I eat, I choose to do it all I do while walking around in this body with this thought in mind:
"For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." 1Corinthians 6:20

Day 13

Tomorrow is the first day of school for my boys, so I'm gonna make this short and sweet and go to bed.

Today was a good day.  I ate on plan and I exercised.  I can't believe it's almost half way to the end of this part. It's almost payday and I am looking forward to trying some new recipes I've found.  My goal for this week is to incorporate more of the healthier meals for my family and not just have my own food and something different for them.

I made Thai Chicken last night and my husband liked it!  My man is a meat and potatoes all american eater, so for him to enjoy some new things was especially nice.  Don't get me wrong...he will try new things, and he actually likes some Asian cuisine, but he's the guy who will go to the ice cream store with 31 flavors and choose Vanilla.  He says he doesn't need spicy food because I am all the spice he needs.  Smart man. Think I'll keep him.

I finally got around to boiling more eggs tonight and I'm really glad I did.  Such good quick protein and easily portable.  They really are a life saver for me with our crazy schedule. I never thought I'd crave a boiled egg, but I have several times this week! What in the world is happening to me?  (enter twilight zone music here....) good night friends.

Day 12

Today was a hard day. After running like a mad woman yesterday from school to school and not properly fueling myself, I was feeling it today.  Thankfully, Pam texted me at just the right time asking how I was doing and i was honest with her about just being done in tired.  She promised to pray for me and a few minutes later, my boss emailed saying our 12:30 staff meeting was cancelled today.  I thought about it for half a second and decided to work from home today.  I actually took a nap after lunch and felt so much better when I woke up.

I am learning to listen to my body.  Before, when I got tired, I ate sugar.  I drank caffeine. I went through a drive through. For the last 12 days, when I get tired, I .....wait for it....rest.  What a concept.
Remember Isaiah 30:15? "In repentance and rest is your salvation..."  I believe the repentance part is happening everyday as I make different choices from my previous lifestyle.  Now that all the junk is leaving my system, I need to really listen to my body telling me what it needs on a daily basis.  I believe it is God speaking to me all day long and giving me wisdom that is only from Him.

I had a chat with one of my friends on Sunday and discovered he had done Whole30 himself several months ago.  It was good to pick his brain and get some good feedback from him on how he is doing now.  He still eats very healthy - in balance- and also gets to have treats occasionally.  What was an eye opener for me - although I suspected it might be so- is that he said once his month of Whole30 was over, his body didn't want to go back to the old food he had consumed.  He tried some of those things, but they actually made him sick.  While the thought of possibly never being able to have cheese again made me go into a weird kind of mourning, the thought that my body might actually be done with daily junk food was exciting.  Talking to him was very encouraging.

Tonight, I had a "catch up" date with a friend and shared with her about my new journey.  She is also on a journey (different from mine) and it was good to swap stories and see what God is doing in both of us. It is getting easier to explain where I'm at and sharing the scriptures that got me to this point is just reinforcing what God is teaching me.  And now, to bed. My body is telling me this day is done.

Day 11

Today was a crazy Monday.  9-11:30 orientation for Middle School with boy child, then 12-3 orientation for High School with man child.  Then grocery store, home to cook supper, then collapse.

Things I did right today:  I packed a lunchbox with healthy snacks.  Cherry tomatoes, carrots, grapes, almonds, my big water bottle.  We actually got out of the first orientation a little early so I was able to   get a baked potato with clarified butter in me at home before I went to part 2. Thank You Lord for microwaves.

Side note: Cherry tomatoes when you're really hungry taste sweet like candy.  I love the way they almost crunch and pop in your mouth.  Can't believe I just said that.

Things I did wrong today: I did not pack enough protein and I did not drink enough water so I was crazy hungry before dinner. I had a handful of grapes while I made dinner then drank some water and waited for everything to be ready.  I made homemade spaghetti sauce with Whole 30 ingredients and spaghetti squash and it was soooo good! I really was craving cheese and some garlic bread, but I stuck with the squash and sauce.  I could've eaten a ton of that good stuff, but I only had one good sized serving (since it was my whole meal).

Tomorrow I need to boil some more eggs so I'll have quick protein to go.  Don't wanna get caught in that hunger to the point of craving bad stuff place again.  As my friend Wade would say, that's "no bueno!"


God is being so gracious.  In my times of craving today, He reminded me of His word.  The lunch box I took today has this written inside the lid - "You are an overcomer!"  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13.  it helps to have scripture handy when I'm feeling weak.

Now it's 10pm and I'm outa gas, so happy Monday!

day 10

It's Sunday evening and I am sitting in a quiet basement thinking over the events of the day.  The sermon this morning was "The goodness of God."  It's not hard to look at my life and see God's goodness in it - even in the hardest of times.  So today, my blog entry will be an exercise in gratefulness.  I hope it inspires you to be grateful for all the blessings in your life.

Today, I am grateful for:

My relationship with Jesus -the greatest blessing of all.

The Word of God.  It has been a source of comfort, strength, discipline and encouragement throughout my lifetime.  Its words are not always easy, but always true.

My husband of 24 years.  God was good to give me a man who loves me unconditionally and who is my best friend.

My 3 children.  Having them in my life has shown me how much God really does love me and what it looks like to be a child of His.

My faith family at Blue Ridge Community Church.  God has used them to love me, support me, lead me and do life with me and my family.  So beyond grateful.

I could go on all night, but I will only add one more:

God has been good to me by showing me how I needed to change my mind, my heart and my body for Him.  He lovingly disciplined me through His word and I was able to see where I had been giving God all my life--except this part.  How good He is to show my fault and my need and then be the answer to both.  I am learning so much about myself and about God's love for me through this experience. There have been some hard moments in the last 10 days, but God has walked with me through every one of them.

God is good.

Day 9

The worship team dinner went well tonight.  I made a baked chicken cacciatore and it turned out well.  I served it over pasta and threw some cheese on top for good measure.  I also made some roasted zucchini, and a big salad (sans cheese).  I was able to eat everything but the cheese and the pasta (I kept some of the chicken and veggies out for myself so I wouldn't have to worry about the no no's).  It took a long time to make everything, but I'm pleased that I was able to serve a healthy dish and people liked it. I love to cook and I'm enjoying that part of this thing - learning and making new dishes and not feeling like I'm sacrificing flavor or the enjoyment of it.

Here's the recipe for the chicken dish

boneless, skinless chicken breast (around 4 for a family of 5 like mine)
red, yellow, orange bell peppers (or whatever color you have;0)
1 onion
minced garlic (to taste)
EVOO
2 cans diced tomatoes (with juice)
1 can tomato paste
Italian spices

lay chicken out on a baking sheet
drizzle with olive oil
sprinkle with salt, pepper, and italian spices

Bake at 375 for 45 min to 1 hr until chicken is cooked through

While chicken is baking, sauté chopped onion, 1 tsp or so mince garlic in some olive oil
when onions are translucent, add chopped peppers and cook for about 10 min.

Add 2 cans tomatoes w/juice, 1 can tomato paste and then fill the paste can with water and add to mixture.  Add a palm full of italian spices and stir, then simmer for 20 min.

When Chicken is done, pull it out and smother it with the tomato goop.  You can also add some cheese on top (if you can eat cheese).

Serve over your favorite pasta or spaghetti squash

And now some food for your soul.  This is what I've been clinging to the last couple days:

"Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced.  Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do His will.  And I know that I will not be put to shame." Isaiah 50:7

Day 8

So it's day 8 but really it's day 1 of week 2!   Things I discovered today:

1. Choosing what to eat was easier.  I didn't even question myself.  I just got what I needed out of the fridge and ate it.  No big deal.

2.  My friends love me.  Okay, so I already knew that but it was so nice to see people and hug them and them whisper in my ear, "I'm praying for you!"  And then someone even brought me fresh eggs from their chickens, and cucumbers from their garden.  Thank you Lord for providing such good things for me.  It encourages me to move forward and stay the course.

3.  I have more energy now.  I still fall out at bedtime but during the day I have way more stamina to do what I need to do.

I am cooking for the worship team tomorrow but I have a plan.  I am actually cooking something I can eat (for the most part).  I'm going to make an italian chicken dish but I will make one without cheese for myself.  I'll let you know how it goes.  It sounds good in my head;-)

Day 7

One week.  I have been on this new plan for one whole week.  There are some things I have learned even in 7 short days...

1. Not everyone is going to understand what I'm doing and why.  That's okay.  I just need to be obedient and pay more attention to what God says than what people say.

2. While I am doing very well so far, I am more concerned about being obedient to God's plan than Whole30's plan.  I'm not deliberately cheating - don't get me wrong.  If, however I find out after I've eaten something that it has an ingredient I'm not supposed to have,  I am not going to start over at day one.  I will move forward. For me, this plan is not as much about detoxing my body (although that is happening as a result of what I'm not eating) as it is about detoxing my mind and spirit of old thoughts, habits and idols that have held me captive since I was a child.

Thankfully, those "accidental" ingredients have only popped up twice and in very very small increments.  Once I was unable to sleep and mindlessly popped a cough drop in my mouth in the middle of the night.  When I woke up the next morning, I thought "yep that probably had sugar in it."
The second time was just last night.  As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, we had our 1st Wednesday fellowship at worship team practice.  One of my dear friends brought a dish she had prepared especially for me.  She had checked out the ingredients online and told me everything that was in it.  All approved, so I put a small bite in my mouth and then she said, "Oh yeah, there's a little soy sauce in it too."  whoops.  Thankfully it was only one small bite, and certainly not intentional.  I am so grateful for the effort she put into making that especially for me and for going to all the trouble of looking things up.  She just missed the "no soy" rule in the process.

3.  I won't die without the foods I've temporarily  eliminated from my diet - although it feels like I might at times. Yes I miss cheese and bread and soda but even at the end of 30 days, I don't think I can go back completely to the way I ate before.  I'm a little nervous about "what comes after." I want to remain in a healthy state of mind and keep listening to God's voice.  I don't want to dive head-long into a bread bowl of cheese soup (okay, maybe I WANT to, but I don't think it'd be wise - or pretty).  I will need to wait on God's voice at the end of this first road trip and see what He wants me to do next so I can be all He wants me to be

4.  The key is depending on Jesus and letting Him have His way in me.  I have been doing this thing myself for a long time and telling people "I'm on a weight loss journey."  Yeah I've been on a journey; I've just been going in circles!  Have I mentioned that I have a lot in common with the Old Testament Israelites?  I have circled this mountain long enough.  It's time to head north. (Deuteronomy 2:3)

So here's to Week one -  With God's help it's done.  And in one minute it will be Friday so yay God and bring on Week 2!

Day 6

It's late and I'm tired but it's a good tired.  Tonight was worship practice and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people.  We had a fellowship night with food (don't worry, I brought my own), and then some singing and stories from our worship leader who just returned from Nepal.

I have to tell you that worship feels different now.  Not because of me but because of Him.  I know being obedient is part of it, but He just feels so close right now.  I know he is helping me as I cook for others (without tasting anything) and tote my personal cooler around from place to place.  It was good to talk with friends tonight.  I made sure not to hide out in the kitchen but to sit with friends and talk while we ate.  That part's getting easier and I am talking to people about the food plan as God leads.

This is not without it's difficulties.  Last night as I made pizza sticks for my kids, it was so very hard to smell and handle the cheese and pepperoni without popping it in my mouth.  I found myself resentful and sad but I just kept telling myself, "Self, God's got this.  One movement at a time.  No..don't pick up that melted cheese and eat it.  You will regret it and it will only make you want more."  Got through that with God's help.  I cooked my meal separately and ate it reminding myself this journey will be so worth it when I get to say at the end, "God did this."

The lyrics of one of our worship songs hit me particularly hard tonight - in a good way.  It really solidified once again that God is in this to change my heart and not my pants size. This is from "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan.

"He is jealous for me
loves like a hurricane
I am a tree bending beneath
the weight of His wind and
mercy.
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions
eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us"

Jesus, I am overwhelmed at Your love for me and that You are a jealous God.  You don't want part of me, You want it all.  Your mercy is so great, sometimes even heavy, that I bend under the weight.  I am so messed up but in the light of your glory, I learn that I am Your desire.  Earthly things pale in comparison and the beauty of Your love for me is so incredible that I have to catch my breath.  Thank you for coming after me and saving me from ...well...me.

Day 5

So today was staff lunch (we have that once a month right before staff meeting.  Alex brings the food and the staff works in teams to help him each time).  I went in the kitchen and there was nothing I could have, but I had packed my lunch with that possibility in mind so I was good.  So was my lunch;0)  I ate with some of the girls and no one even asked why mine was different.  They were a little skeptical about the sunshine sauce though;0)  I'm still deciding if I like it or not.  Maybe if I cook with it.  It did give a little variety to the chicken which was nice.

I still miss soda, but I am seeing the effect water is having on my body.  It's all good stuff but I am in the bathroom a lot more than I used to be! LOL

I am grateful for the prayers I know are being prayed for me.  I can feel them and I love you all for it.
I am so grateful for the word of God and how He is using it to strengthen me, teach me and love me.
A friend encouraged me with these words yesterday.

"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over (master) it.” (Genesis 4:7 NIV) 

God was talking to Cain.  Abel, his brother had brought a sacrifice to God -one of his finest lambs.  Cain had also brought an offering.  Scripture says he brought "some of his crops."  That doesn't sound quite as stellar does it?  Not because they were veggies and not meat, but because they were "just some of the harvest" and not the very best of what he had grown.  Cain didn't do his best.  God warned him that if he didn't do the right thing that sin would be right there to point him in the wrong direction.  Boy was it.  Cain killed his brother out of jealousy and changed his future forever. God takes disobedience seriously.

How does that apply to me?

If I am halfway doing something, or only doing it when I feel like it, or giving God my leftovers or what I can spare.....the enemy is all too ready to slide right in there with a "that's good enough."  Problem is that for years, I have given partial offerings and sin has indeed been crouching at my door to influence my choices.  I would start a new eating plan only to give up when it got hard or when I saw something I wanted more.  That's sad and it's sin.

I need to give till it hurts.  To, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:27, "discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."  

Ouch.  Jesus, help me to always give my best offering according to what you have asked of me.  Help me find strength in obedience and joy in this journey.  It's hard - but I trust You to do it in me.