Today is shopping day.  I am armed with my list and a big water bottle.  I have been reading, researching, planning etc.  Now I put my money where my mouth is....literally.  I admit I feel a little nervous about this process - not as much about the cost although it is on my mind - but about being able to make the best choices while also shopping for my family.  Some of this plan they will do with me and won't even know they're doing it.  I just need to trust God to help me today and not go overboard either way.  I'll let you know how it turns out.

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Well, today didn't go as planned, but I got all the shopping done with the exception of a few specialty items that I may need to go the health food store for.  After Fresh Market and Kroger this morning, lunch with my man and the boy child then shopping for the family at Sam's, picking girl child up from dance camp, then to work for a meeting and then praise team practice....I made it to Walmart around 8:30pm to finish my shopping.  It is now 10:52pm and I am baking cookies.  That's right.  I volunteered to bring cookies for the band camp concessions tomorrow so I knew it would not be smart for me to make them in the morning when I would be trying to start this thing.  One more batch and I'm done.  Heck, let's be honest...my body's already done.  I'm just waiting for the cookies.

Tomorrow I will take man child to band camp, then go walk with my friend Toni - who I affectionately call Vanilla Bean because she is whiter than I am (only on the inside).  She calls me Cocoa Crispy because she says I'm not white chocolate...I am all the way burnt.  Ha ha.    I still don't know yet if she is going to do Whole30 with me but even if she doesn't, my resolve is the same.  I really feel this is what God is asking me to do.  Counting calories still allows me to have food that gets me in trouble.  Points for Weight Watchers the same.  Not all calories or points are created equal.  Some day I might be able to have some of the no no foods in moderation, but at least for the next 30 days I need to scale it way back and sort of shock my body into obedience mode.  Yippee.  

I have a new water bottle (Thanks Pam!) and lots of new food in the kitchen.  After I come home from walking I plan to do my food prep for the next few days.  I will need to have things ready to go before weekend services at Blue Ridge.  While I was baking, I boiled some eggs to have handy for a quick breakfast or some protein to go with a lunch salad or whatever.  I also bought some tuna so that may be my go to protein for lunch tomorrow with my salad until I get all my ducks in a row.
I'll keep you posted.  Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement so far.  I can feel it in my bones that I am not alone in this thing.  That means more than you know.

2 days and counting

Today is Wednesday.  I begin Whole30 on Friday morning. Tomorrow is payday and shopping day. I have made my lists and have  a good idea of what I need to do to prep for the weekend.  Often, "they" - whoever "they" are- tell you not to put off the start date of a new plan, but honestly it's been good for me to research recipes, the ins and outs of the new plan, make my lists and mentally get myself ready.  I decided to lay down caffeine a few days before so I wouldn't be detoxing from that AND all the other stuff at the same time.  I have been caffeine free since Monday morning.  Yes I have had a headache, but the weather has also been messing with my sinuses so I keep telling myself that it will pass.  I do miss soda.  REALLY.

Before I go into anything else, I want to make clear why I am blogging about this experience.  Up to this point, my weight loss journey has been very private - or at least i thought it was.  Gluttony is a sin that for some of us is very public whether we want it to be or not because it shows up on our bodies for all to see.  This journey however is not really about weight loss for me - although I believe God will do that in me.  This journey is about 2 things:

1. Dragging into the light an area of disobedience that I have kept in the dark for years.  I have been on many diets and plans, but those have all been about changing the outside of me.  This is starting from the heart.

2.  Also, part of my M.O. is to invite a few close friends into my struggle, but not to be really accountable to anyone.  I have asked for accountability before but for whatever reason people have not chosen to hold me accountable in this area.  Don't get me wrong - I place no blame on them for my current state.  I made the choices.  I got to some measure of success and once people started noticing, I hid and self-sabbotaged so I wouldn't have so many "expectations" to live up to.  The purpose of blogging this is so that the people who have committed to hold me accountable can see my progress or my failure and speak truth into my life.  This is not only for what I eat and how well I follow this plan I believe God has directed me to but to also keep an eye on my heart and my attitude about this whole thing.  I believe they -YOU will not allow me to hide anymore.

In 2Kings 22-23, The bible talks about a young king named Josiah who once he discovered the state his people were in (including himself), he went on a rampage to destroy every idol, every false god, every blatant sin taking place in the temple of God.  He was grieved by their behavior and did something about it.  He not only tore down "high places", he completely ground them to dust.  The people were not going to be able to go back to that lifestyle on Josiah's watch.

For me, making this journey more public is my way of saying, "I'm not going back.  I'm not going to hide any longer.  I'm not going to self-sabbotage when people start noticing changes."  That's a scary thing to type out and actually see on the screen because I know that once I hit "publish" it's out there. I grieve over my condition and the condition of many of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I don't, however, want to just "feel bad" about it.  I want to do something about it.  Well, I want to WANT to do something about it.  Let's keep it real.  So this is a one step at a time journey. I have committed to let you in.  It is not something I wanted to do.  If I want to live a Josiah kind of life, though....I cannot keep it to myself.

So please continue to pray for my caffeine and soda cravings to decrease and for the next two days that I will armor up and prepare for this battle to tear down the high places.

Before

Okay, so I have dieted and been on weight loss "journeys" before but I don't think I have ever posted a "before and after" picture.  I guess I didn't have enough faith in myself to think I'd look any different at the end of it.  I am posting one this time because I choose to have enough faith in God to think I will be different at the end of this 30 days inside and out.

By the way, it's 5 days until August 1st.  5 days until I start this new adventure.  I decided I want to lay down my soft drink habit tomorrow.  I don't need the caffeine, or the acid in the soda.  It may take a couple days to even out chemically, but I also didn't want to go cold turkey on Friday when I start this other phase.  So you can pray about that!  I was grateful for the encouragement I got from Pam this morning.  She is going to do this thing with me.  She asked me what I most wanted prayer for and I told her that the one thing I'm really concerned about is the prep time it takes to keep this all going.  I know my schedule and I think I will really need to cook my food ahead of time and have it ready to grab out of the fridge.  I've been studying the blog Pam told me about (theclothesmakethegirl) and that's what she does.  She has a prep/cook day and makes all her stuff ahead so that all she has to do is grab a container or maybe sauté some pre cooked meat with pre steamed veggies for a fast dinner.

God keeps opening doors for me to talk about this with people.  Mostly one on one, but I'm being obedient.  It's not easy knowing, "oh great... they know now."  Pam reminded me that God has chosen me for this time for this purpose.  It still feels so big.  Grateful I am that God is bigger.

Okay, so pray for an obedient transition to the soda free world this week.  Here's my before picture.  I chose this one because it shows my current size but I don't think it's a horrible picture of me and because it also shows my beautiful daughter who is 19 today and with whom I want to spend many many more years with.  I pray this journey will benefit her and the menfolk in our family as well as benefits me.

A journey of 1000 steps begins with 1. Welcome to step 1.

This is the tale of a journey.  A journey of obedience, of daily dying to self.  Whoa that does not sound like fun.  Just being real.  I will officially begin this journey on August 1, 2014 but for the next few days, I am  in the prep stage.  Planning, making lists and praying.  After a few months of running from the nudges of the Holy Spirit, and years of running from myself, I have come to a place of surrender.  I've said that before but something about this is different.

Part of what's different is that I am involving other people.  Not just one or two but a group - a team as it were - who have committed to stick with me on this journey, pray for me and hold me accountable for the choices I make.  Another difference is that I believe I am supposed to make this journey public at some point.  This is no longer a journey just for me.  It is a journey that is supposed to change me on its way to changing someone else.  I am sure God will tell me the next step, but for now, starting this blog is the first one.  It will give my "team" a place to view my progress at their leisure and when God says so a place for me to point people when they ask about the changes they will see in me.  I say that by faith because right now it seems far away.

So there you have it.  This blog will morph over the next 30 days and then some, but I promised myself I would get something out on this day before I change my  mind!