2 days and counting

Today is Wednesday.  I begin Whole30 on Friday morning. Tomorrow is payday and shopping day. I have made my lists and have  a good idea of what I need to do to prep for the weekend.  Often, "they" - whoever "they" are- tell you not to put off the start date of a new plan, but honestly it's been good for me to research recipes, the ins and outs of the new plan, make my lists and mentally get myself ready.  I decided to lay down caffeine a few days before so I wouldn't be detoxing from that AND all the other stuff at the same time.  I have been caffeine free since Monday morning.  Yes I have had a headache, but the weather has also been messing with my sinuses so I keep telling myself that it will pass.  I do miss soda.  REALLY.

Before I go into anything else, I want to make clear why I am blogging about this experience.  Up to this point, my weight loss journey has been very private - or at least i thought it was.  Gluttony is a sin that for some of us is very public whether we want it to be or not because it shows up on our bodies for all to see.  This journey however is not really about weight loss for me - although I believe God will do that in me.  This journey is about 2 things:

1. Dragging into the light an area of disobedience that I have kept in the dark for years.  I have been on many diets and plans, but those have all been about changing the outside of me.  This is starting from the heart.

2.  Also, part of my M.O. is to invite a few close friends into my struggle, but not to be really accountable to anyone.  I have asked for accountability before but for whatever reason people have not chosen to hold me accountable in this area.  Don't get me wrong - I place no blame on them for my current state.  I made the choices.  I got to some measure of success and once people started noticing, I hid and self-sabbotaged so I wouldn't have so many "expectations" to live up to.  The purpose of blogging this is so that the people who have committed to hold me accountable can see my progress or my failure and speak truth into my life.  This is not only for what I eat and how well I follow this plan I believe God has directed me to but to also keep an eye on my heart and my attitude about this whole thing.  I believe they -YOU will not allow me to hide anymore.

In 2Kings 22-23, The bible talks about a young king named Josiah who once he discovered the state his people were in (including himself), he went on a rampage to destroy every idol, every false god, every blatant sin taking place in the temple of God.  He was grieved by their behavior and did something about it.  He not only tore down "high places", he completely ground them to dust.  The people were not going to be able to go back to that lifestyle on Josiah's watch.

For me, making this journey more public is my way of saying, "I'm not going back.  I'm not going to hide any longer.  I'm not going to self-sabbotage when people start noticing changes."  That's a scary thing to type out and actually see on the screen because I know that once I hit "publish" it's out there. I grieve over my condition and the condition of many of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  I don't, however, want to just "feel bad" about it.  I want to do something about it.  Well, I want to WANT to do something about it.  Let's keep it real.  So this is a one step at a time journey. I have committed to let you in.  It is not something I wanted to do.  If I want to live a Josiah kind of life, though....I cannot keep it to myself.

So please continue to pray for my caffeine and soda cravings to decrease and for the next two days that I will armor up and prepare for this battle to tear down the high places.