Confessions of a food addict

This time last week I was sitting at a Cheesecake Factory in Georgia with a bunch of my worship peeps.  We were attending the annual Catalyst conference as we do every year.  We take 10 to 12 worship team leaders in a big van (along with 90 or so other leaders from our church body in various and sundry vehicles) and spend two days "drinking from a fire hydrant" of speakers from the Christian and secular business world.  The Cheesecake Factory is not officially part of the conference, but it is tradition for our team.  We go there when we get into town to unwind after a day on the road and there is plenty of laughter, shenanigans and cheesecake to go around.  We feel it prepares us physically for what we will receive spiritually the next two days.  Okay, okay not really but that sounded good didn't it? In other news...Thank you Jesus for 'steak Diane'.  I've never met Diane, but I surely do love her steak. mmmmm

Since I cannot have cheesecake right now on my healthy food plan, I savored each bite of steak- then the voices in my head - that I am in the process of re-training to talk myself out of unhealthy foods instead of justifying them -began having a conversation of epic proportion.

  While my friends saw me laughing and enjoying my steak Diane (have I said yet that I love her? I mean ...if I weren't done having babies I would surely name a child after her --even if it was a boy),  

THIS is what was going on inside my head.....

"Okay self, repeat after me.....'I have no room for cheesecake, I have no room for cheesecake, protein is better than sugar', did that boy just offer me cheesecake? - oh no he didn't'!!!!. Resist, resist! Danger Will Robinson! Danger!  HELP ME JESUS I'M NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE! There's no place like home there's no place like home!.....if I only had a brain...or a Lara Bar, oooohhhhhh pumpkin, godiva and snickers oh my!"

The good news is I had no cheesecake. I had not one bite of anyone else's even ...AND I GOT SEVERAL OFFERS - HELLO!  Whew! The bad news is that by the time we got back to the hotel, my poor ol' brain hurt from all that exercise!  When I got home two days later, I discovered I had actually lost weight this year at the conference and that has never happened in all the times I have ever gone.  Then I remembered how much I exercised my brain and I realized that the only thing that actually shrunk was my hat size.  Ahhh well.  It's a small victory but the small ones add up to big ones and knowing Jesus pulled me through  was sweet.  Smaller jeans feel nice but feeling God's delight in my obedience is so much better.

So stick that in your cheesecake and smoke it.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to email Diane.

What Matters to God...and what doesn't

When I get to the end of my life, I do not think it will matter to God

...if I was a good person 
...if I did more good things than bad things in this life 
...if I gave a lot of money in the offering plate or to good causes
...if I posted religious "memes" on Facebook and warned my friends to share them or risk people (or even God for heaven's sake) thinking they don't really love God, are ashamed of Him or don't want Him to radically bless them with something "miraculous" in the next 24 hours
...if I said "Amen" to all the social media posts that were anti-whichever people group the right wing is mad at or offended by this week 
...if I spoke, dressed, watched, listened, read, lathered-rinsed-repeated what was modest and in good taste just so I could judge anyone who didn't


What I do believe will matter to God is this...

...if I believed in His Son Jesus and received Him as my savior, leader, forgiver and LORD
...if I had a personal relationship with Him that went beyond religious dos and don'ts but gave me a burning desire to do what pleased Him because He's worth it
...if His Word was the filter through which I saw every decision
...if I lived my beliefs rather than beat people over the head with them
...if what people saw and believed about my relationship with Christ made them want to get closer to Jesus - not run away from Him


As I read back over those two categories, I am stepping on my own toes and asking for forgiveness for the times when I live in the first category more than the second.  There is certainly a place for moral living, modesty, generous giving, agreeing with truth (except those memes...I really hate those!), but if that first category is the measuring stick by which I determine my Christianity then I will routinely hit road blocks when I am not doing enough, saying enough, or being enough. We simply cannot succeed at that kind of Christianity for the long run.

If, however I live in the second category, what the world will see is a real relationship.  One that falls down and gets back up.  One that owns it's mistakes, that seeks to love, encourage, build up others first. One that knows that the Christian life is not based on our performance but on God's grace.  My life will look different - sometimes even odd to others but not unwelcoming or unloving. 

Lord, would you keep my feet securely in the things that matter to you.  Take captive my thoughts, my actions, my desires that they may draw others to you. Forgive me when I get in the way.  You are God.  I am not.  Amen and Amen.