Lost and found

I have found myself feeling a little lost this week.  Not scary lost like I think I'm going crazy.  No, just lost like life is whizzing by and spinning me around each time it passes.  My food has been pretty good considering, but I am finding that when I am tired or depressed I don't want to eat healthy.  I am still packing my food for work and that has been a life saver, but when I'm at home it is hard to make good choices sometimes.

Today I have been contemplating doing Whole30 again. At least a very close version of it for the majority of my food. I seem to do better if I don't have a lot of choices and it kind of forces me to choose the healthy options because I don't allow myself to choose anything else.  My only fear in that is I don't want this to become just another idol.  Right now you're asking yourself, "What the monkey is she talking about?"

You heard me.  Being crazy strict about what you eat and how you eat it can be just as much an addiction as eating all the unhealthy stuff.  You become afraid of food and it becomes your master just as if you were mindlessly eating string cheese and potato chips every meal.  I have been down that road too (I told you I have tried it all!) and I was in just as much bondage.  The purpose (or one of them at least) of Whole30 was to break that food addiction and not be enslaved by it any longer.  I want food to be in its proper place in my life.  I am going on a women's retreat this weekend and I hope to spend some time just asking Jesus what He wants me to do next.  If He wants me to do another Whole30 round, I want to be willing but if He says something else, I want to be willing to go that route too.  I'm in this for the long haul so whatever He says goes.

If you're reading this, I would love for you to pray for me to that end.

Letting Go

Week 2 post Whole30.  I am learning that with change comes difficult choices. Those choices may not be popular...such as no longer buying sodas for my family.  If they want a soda out at a restaurant or football game, that's fine.  I just don't need it in the house and neither do they.  Not popular, but it has been accepted.

Another choice was to allow myself a "fun food" day.  This doesn't mean going overboard or undoing all that I had done with Whole30, it just means allowing a day of rest from the regimen to enjoy a treat with my family....like at the football game or if we go to the movies or something on a weekend.  For me, if this is going to be a lifestyle and not a "diet," I need to find a balance.  It may mean that my weight loss is a little slower, but I think it will be more manageable and easier to make it a permanent life style. In Scripture, there were designated times for feasting and celebration.  It wasn't every day, but it did happen. Now, don't get me wrong....I doubt I'm going to weekly go kill a fatted calf or have dancing girls in my living room, but I think if I have popcorn at the ball game or a couple bites of candy then give the rest to my kids it will feel like a treat to me, give me something to look forward to and maybe even motivate me to work harder earlier in the week.

My weight and energy level are adjusting to the add ins and it is starting to feel more normal to eat healthy.  I am trying to exercise as well, even if I only have time for stretching or using the resistance band while I take a break from housework.  The couple pounds I gained last week as I neglected my healthy fats and added in some of the previously banned foods is coming back off and I am paying more attention. Last week was good for me as it showed me how easily it can all go backwards when I'm not planning or paying attention to what goes in my mouth.  Planning and pre packing are a must.  It has to be. No fun, but reality nonetheless.

I am understanding that Jesus has my heart and even when my choices seem odd or unpopular to others, I have to listen to Him.  He declared all foods permissible , but He also reminds us that not all are beneficial. Every day cannot be a "feast" day.  There must be balance.  I need that grace, wisdom and mercy to guide me daily.

"In Your unfailing love You will lead the people You have redeemed.  In Your strength You will guide them to Your holy dwelling." Exodus 15:13

I am working on a song for a retreat this weekend and I love the words.  It speaks so much to where I am at this point in the journey.  I'm grateful for creative writers and musicians who can speak my heart....

Letting Go - by Steffany Gretzinger

You've brought me to the end of myself
And this has been the longest road
just when my hallelujah was tired
you gave me a new song

now I'm letting go
falling into you

I confess I still get scared sometimes
But perfect love comes rushing in
and all the lies that screamed inside go silent
the moment You begin

now I'm letting go
falling into you

You remind me of things forgotten
You unwind me until I'm totally undone
and with Your arms around me,
fear was no match for Your love
now you've won me


Amen and Amen, Jesus. Help me to daily let go.

Keep on keepin' on

This week has been interesting.  Still eating mostly Whole30 style but adding in a few things here and there.  Super busy this week and I let my attention get sidetracked from getting enough water and healthy fats.  Plus schedule changes for both my teenagers which meant schedule changes for me and needing to rework my schedule.  I have felt discombobulated all week and it showed up on the scale this morning and in how I feel today.

Stress and failure to plan really do make a  difference.  So....time to push the reset button.

It's no accident or coincidence that this was the reading in my devotions this morning...

"Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you know God -- or rather are known by God -- how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces?  Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?" Galatians 4:8-9

Jesus, I am so glad that I am known by You.  Help me to pay attention and not rest on the results of the last 30 days.  The journey is just beginning and I need to keep my eyes on You. Help me look at my schedule through Your filter and make choices based on what is Your truth for me.

New revelations

As I am "gently" adding things back into my diet, I am learning some things.  Primarily, I am learning that my life is changing from something very unhealthy to something fresh and life giving.  I have tried a few things, but my body isn't happy with some of them.  I think dairy is a big culprit.  Y'all know how I love me some cheese, but I'm realizing that it's going to have to be a rare treat and not an everyday occurrence.

I seem to do okay with wheat bread, but I am limiting myself there (1 slice a day) because bread is too easily a trigger.  I am choosing the healthier variety...whole grain, no secret unreadable ingredients or anything yucky.  It's not what I would've consumed before, but I knew when my 30 days were over, I would need to change my tastebuds for healthier options even when it comes to bread.

So as I learn, I listen to what God tells me and make plans for each day.  His ways are better.

With fall on the horizon, I already miss the loss of the fresh summer fruit and veggies, but I have put a few things in the freezer and look forward to soups and stews and all things pumpkin.  There's more than one way to eat a veggie....right?