Day 6

It's late and I'm tired but it's a good tired.  Tonight was worship practice and I got to hang out with some of my favorite people.  We had a fellowship night with food (don't worry, I brought my own), and then some singing and stories from our worship leader who just returned from Nepal.

I have to tell you that worship feels different now.  Not because of me but because of Him.  I know being obedient is part of it, but He just feels so close right now.  I know he is helping me as I cook for others (without tasting anything) and tote my personal cooler around from place to place.  It was good to talk with friends tonight.  I made sure not to hide out in the kitchen but to sit with friends and talk while we ate.  That part's getting easier and I am talking to people about the food plan as God leads.

This is not without it's difficulties.  Last night as I made pizza sticks for my kids, it was so very hard to smell and handle the cheese and pepperoni without popping it in my mouth.  I found myself resentful and sad but I just kept telling myself, "Self, God's got this.  One movement at a time.  No..don't pick up that melted cheese and eat it.  You will regret it and it will only make you want more."  Got through that with God's help.  I cooked my meal separately and ate it reminding myself this journey will be so worth it when I get to say at the end, "God did this."

The lyrics of one of our worship songs hit me particularly hard tonight - in a good way.  It really solidified once again that God is in this to change my heart and not my pants size. This is from "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan.

"He is jealous for me
loves like a hurricane
I am a tree bending beneath
the weight of His wind and
mercy.
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions
eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are
and how great Your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us"

Jesus, I am overwhelmed at Your love for me and that You are a jealous God.  You don't want part of me, You want it all.  Your mercy is so great, sometimes even heavy, that I bend under the weight.  I am so messed up but in the light of your glory, I learn that I am Your desire.  Earthly things pale in comparison and the beauty of Your love for me is so incredible that I have to catch my breath.  Thank you for coming after me and saving me from ...well...me.